Hot Babe Of The Day: Gabriela
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Take This Dose Of TRUTH And Call Me In The Morning
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10 Answers To Questions You Always Wondered About
Every man knows that moment of clear thinking that occurs directly after ejaculation. What is going on in our brains that causes this to happen?
As levels of sexual arousal and pleasure get closer to orgasm, activity in the frontal lobe of the brain (basically, the part of your brain involved in complex thought) decreases due to the dual activity of adrenaline and pleasure chemicals, reaching a point of almost nothing at the moment of orgasm. In most men, the pleasurable sensations drop off within seconds of ejaculation, and the frontal lobe switches back on like a light.
While you don’t really notice the gradual drop in frontal lobe functioning because you’re “in the moment”, you’re a lot more likely to notice it coming back both because it comes back a lot faster than it goes, and you’re probably done having intercourse or masturbating at that point.
Joe Rogan and Eddie Bravo discuss ‘Post-Nut Syndrome’
Why did dinosaurs evolve to be so big?
Well, you need to take into account the environment at the time, as well as the global ecosystem as a whole. Largely, it was a result of the Red Queen Hypothesis; the idea that species have to continually run as fast as they can just to remain in the same place.
Hundreds of millions of years ago, the Earth had vastly less oxygen and more carbon dioxide in its atmosphere. By the late Jurassic period, oxygen levels were only about 14%, and carbon dioxide levels were much, much higher than even the worst climatic models today. This resulted in a hotter, smaller planet – there was no ice at the poles, none at all, and the high sea levels, anoxic ocean environments and massive greenhouse effect would have kept Earth globally very tropical in both temperature and humidity. Honestly, you can’t get much better than this for reptiles. A giant greenhouse, warm and muggy, with a great deal of lush vegetation and vast numbers of giant insects for food.
Feeding on gigantic vegetation that is now extinct, or feeding on these same herbivorous dinosaurs, the group rapidly found itself in a Red Queen scenario, where all the dinosaurs had to constantly get larger and larger or risk falling behind. The classic Red Queen scenario takes its name from the novel Alice Through the Looking-Glass; “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place”. The hypothesis states that two or more organisms will enter something of an evolutionary arms’ race, whereby any advantage the opponent(s) gain prompts the rapid evolution of a counter-measure from their prey/predator/competitor to keep up. However, no one species will ever maintain a lead for long, because they would be caught up again.
The dinosaurs were caught up in this, and it kept going on and on for millions of years. Dinosaurs in the Triassic period were small, inoffensive creatures for the most part, early raptors and other theropod species. They largely predated giant insects that thrived in the high-oxygen pre-Triassic atmosphere, or ate the large avascular plants of their primeval forests. However, when one dinosaur species started to grow larger, giving it the ability to both outcompete its competitors and eat more of its prey, the species around it responded. A Red Queen scenario would have begun, wherein the dinosaurs that failed to grow larger would die off quickly, and the ones that did not would breed rapidly. This would occur repeatedly, and the largest from each species would continually grow at a faster than normal pace just to keep up with their opponents.
Continuing into the Jurassic period, we see the start of the sauropods and the truly enormous semi-aquatic Brachiosaurus, Apatosaurus and Titanosaurs for example. These creatures were very much the pinnacle of size; some have hypothesised that Brachiosaurus specimens may have had up to seven hearts just to pump blood around their oversized neck and body. Any larger, and they would have physically collapsed under their own weight, it really was at the limit of what bone and sinew could be persuaded to do. Oxygen levels were falling rapidly now, and the giant insects of the Triassic and Carboniferous periods were dying out. Smaller insects survived, but even after the Jurassic oxygen lows started to increase again the insects remained small because bird-like reptiles had evolved that would keep their size down. It was no longer really an option to be small and insectivorous – you had to be small scavengers that eventually became hunters, like the scavenging raptors and smaller theropods, large and carnivorous like the famous T. Rex, or REALLY large and herbivorous to provide a modicum of defence against the large predators, like the massive sauropods.
Unfortunately, this was also their downfall. After the massive forests started to die out, and were eventually obliterated by the K-T Event, there simply wasn’t enough food for them. The larger theropods followed suit, and the smaller theropods died out not long after. The early birds survived, though their numbers were drastically reduced, feeding on the now-much-smaller insects and small mammals. Mammals were similarly weakened, but survived by living largely subterranean and omnivorous lives, able to take advantage of whatever food and shelter was available rather than being dependent on specific types like the dinosaurs.
Why is it that whe I’m near a railing or balcony I have this magnetic-like feeling pulling me to jump off, or a strong urge to yank the steering wheel when driving and other stupid and dangerous things?
This effect, called the High Place Phenomenon (HPP), is not entirely understood. A recent study(linked at the bottom of this comment) has found that the urge may be the brain’s way of forming an “escape plan” in the event that we need to flee. In this way, it actually reinforces our will to live.
http://cpnp.org/resource/reference/88955
How did STD’s begin?
Like most disease, it started with the constant contact of livestock and the vermin that surround them like birds, bats, rats, insects and the like. As time passed, certain bacteria and virus mutated to essentially jump species. They did not have sex with these animals (they actually may have) but most likely came into contact with excrement like feces, urine, saliva, sweat, ect allowing transmission.
- The_Burg
Why do you puke when you work out too hard?
When you work out too hard you push your body past its limit and it enters a fight-or-flight state. Basically, your body assumes that this level of stress can only be happening because you are in extreme danger and it readies itself to react to that danger in the best way possible, either through fighting or fleeing. When your body is in the flight-or-fight state, not only are you flooded with adrenaline, but your nervous system puts importance on certain functions while it shuts down other functions. Digestion is one of the functions that gets shut down. The reason for this is that digesting is a very heavy process that takes quite a bit of energy and blood – energy and blood that is best redirected to the actual muscles you need for fighting or fleeing. The body may even attempt to purge itself (through vomiting and the runs) to make sure there is as less stress on your from your digestive tract as possible.
Why does the “camera add 10lbs”
Notice how the focal length of a camera lens affects how your features look due to perspective. Longer focal lengths flatten out the features (70mm – 100mm are common portrait focal lengths), and would be similar to how you see someone from say, 10-15 feet away (I’m kind of pulling these numbers out of my ass, but you get the idea). People are used to seeing themselves in mirrors that are a few feet away, which corresponds to a wider focal length.
When a person dies from Alzheimer’s what actually kills them?
Besides affecting memory, it also (in late stages) causes the patient to forget how to walk, eat, swallow, breathe… When I say forget, I mean that the essential functions we do without consciously thinking about it are no longer regulated by the brain. For example, Food and liquid going into the lungs (if not fed intravenously) causes respiratory disease which their bodies can not fight due to organ failure and diminishing immune systems.
How do professors know if you plagiarized or not?
I am a university lecturer (I would be called a professor in the USA). I assure you that we do use some of the tools mentioned in these answers but the number one reason we spot plagiarism is that a) we know the subject matter, b) we have read most sources on the subject matter, c) we know our students and d) we can tell when something isn’t written in your style.
We are not stupid. Most of us have studied this subject for the majority of our adult life.
We usually know a plagiarism case by instinct; we use the tools, TurnItIn, Grammarly, PaperRater, WriteCheck, and of course Google to find proof.
What is Jihad?
The literal meaning of Jihad is struggle or effort, and it means much more than holy war. Muslims use the word Jihad to describe three different kinds of struggle: 1) A struggle to live as a good Muslim 2) A struggle to build a good Islamic society 3) A holy war to defend Islam.
In addition to this it is important to note that there are two forms of jihad: lesser and greater.
Lesser jihad is what Islamist extremists use to justify their violence through a very twisted radical interpretation. Lesser jihad is where the idea of holy war in Islam comes from. It states that violence may be necessary in order to defend Islam. And that is the crucial part: it is meant to be defensive, not aggressive. So Osama Bin Laden would never view his attacks as acts of aggression, but merely as a defensive response, in his rationale. It’s important also to note the rest of the Bin Laden family did not support his actions.
Greater Jihad is all about personal effort. A war with oneself, in a way. This is viewed as a much more important and nobler goal, for if each person practices the greater jihad and strives toward personal cultivation of being a better person, society as a whole will prosper. Any Muslim would tell you that this greater jihad is always more important the the lesser jihad, hence the names.
Why hasn’t there been a revolt in North Korea?
You’re looking at North Korea from the perspective of someone who has an internet connection, knowledge of what living in a free society looks like, and no fear that the Dear Leader is reading your mind and has divine powers. For many people who escape North Korea, deprogramming them to stop fearing retribution can be a matter of months or years. A population so intensely monitored and controlled can’t feasibly revolt, let alone communicate their ideas about doing so.
- MrBims
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The Story Of Andre The Giant vs Akira Maeda
In one of the strangest REAL moments in Pro Wrestling history, a drunken Andre the Giant (wrestling in Japan) showed what happens when you legitimately don’t want to cooperate with your opponent.
Andre’s opponent, Akira Maeda, was a true tough guy. Known as a “shoot fighter”, Akira would often compete in MMA styled bouts. (This was in 1986; long before MMA became popular.)
In Japan, pro wrestling is taken seriously. At the time, “American style” pro wrestling was considered a lesser form of entertainment.
The drunken Giant, most likely insulted by the attitude of the Japanese wrestlers, decided that he just wouldn’t cooperate against the number two highest rated Japanese superstar.
Akira, being made a fool in front of a sold out arena, decided that he would show Andre who was in charge. However, Andre had other plans.
He brushed off each real kick from Akira, smiled and asked for more. When the opportunity arose, Andre would use his massive girth to put a hurting on his foe. His weight alone could have put Akira permanently out of action. Instead, Andre decided to play around a bit longer. (BTW, at this point, Andre weighed in at a whopping 500+ pounds.)
The few times Akira was able to take the giant down to the floor, Andre was able to make him release his leg locks with a swift boot to the face.
Andre would toy with him, making him think he would actually “work” the match. Instead, he staggered around, acting like Akira’s kicks were nothing more than a mosquito bite. To say that Akira was flustered would be an understatement.
He even went so far as to just stop the attacks, walk over to the owner of the wrestling promotion, and question what was going on.
Seeing no other choice, Akira decided to put every ounce of himself into each kick. Remember, Akira was seen as one of the top wrestlers in Japan. Andre’s actions were seen by Akira, and the owner of the promotion, as an insult.
Again, Andre brushed the kicks off like they were nothing. The owner, Antonio Inoki (who was the #1 wrestler in the promotion), came to the ring to see what the issue was. Andre still refused to cooperate. Both Andre and Akira stop fighting to make insulting comments towards Inoki.
After Andre was taken down by a leg lock, he showed the ultimate insult by laughing at Akira and asking him to cover him for the pin. The match was stopped by the owner of the company and Andre was never invited back to Japan to wrestle for the promotion. Some say that this incident lead to the downfall of the company. The fans in the arena were disappointed and the televised broadcast was never replayed.
The End *Note* The videos of this match are no longer on youtube. There is one listed on another video site but the quality is so poor, it’s not even worth linking. I wish I had a good link for you with the source.
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A Tribute To The Awesomeness That Was Andre The Giant
The Princess Bride Crew Reflect On Andre The Giant
Andre The Giant drinks 156 Beer in one sitting!
Andre The Giant vs Hulk Hogan
Hulk Hogan would break Andre’s undefeated run after body-slamming him at WrestleMania 3 in front of over 93,000 people. Hogan tore his latissimus dorsi performing the maneuver. Even though Andre’s health was deteriorating, he still put on one of the most memorable matches in wrestling history.
Andre The Giant – Larger Than Life Documentary
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Damn, I’ve Been Totally Sleeping On Katrina Bowden
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10 Warning Signs To Look For Before Entering A Relationship
By Stephen Passman
1. They’re Manipulative
This is the biggest one. Both women and men do it. I see it all the time — someone getting a man to buy dinner or drinks with no interest of getting to know the person, or a man expecting sex for doing so. Manipulative behavior is often not seen at first because of the initial superficial interactions and the “puppy love” effect. Manipulation is when someone acts or uses something or someone with a maleficent or aggressive intention in order to induce a desired action. Manipulation is emotional abuse (Fjeltstad, 2014).
Other big ones to watch out for:
a) Guilt tripping someone into doing something they don’t want to do.
b) Intimidation, using fear, or verbal abuse for creating submission for some action.
c) Positive/ Negative Reinforcement (E.g. Only saying I love you only after someone does something “good” or pleasing to the partner).
d) Anyone who “presses your buttons” or uses your insecurities to get you to do what they want you to do.
e) Giving gifts with strings attached or crossing your boundaries often.
Someone who is manipulative must be in control. So If you find these circumstances to be the case, realize that no one deserves to be subjected to this kind of behavior.
2. You, And Only You, Make Them Happy
In a relationship, you should make them happier but you should not be their ultimate source of happiness. Mature and centered people get happiness from themselves and do not have to lay the burden on anyone else for all their happiness. Relationships should increase happiness, but not be the reason for all of it.
3. They Compare Themselves To Others and to You
Your relationship shouldn’t be a sports game of two rival teams. This shows immaturity and insecurity. It’s not who makes more, who is smarter, or who is better at something. It’s about complementing each other and working as a team. As a couple, the two should be different, but still complementary and synergistic in their efforts and love.
Instead of rivals, healthy people in relationships encourage one another and support one another.
4. Bad Interaction with Strangers, Waiters/Waitresses, and Parents
Are they above anyone? Do they talk with someone or do they talk down to someone? They should treat everyone with respect, from the waiter to their parents. Especially their parents. It is a good indicator of how they’ll treat you one day.
5. You Can Disagree Without Having an Argument
Disagreeing should not trigger an argument. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and should not be forced to think the same way on any subject. You should be able to disagree but not be mad at the same time. If you find yourself not vocalizing your thoughts to “keep the peace” due to fear of anger, then this is not only a warning sign; it is a major form of manipulation.
6. Lack of Clear Communication
Hiding your needs and not vocalizing your ideas create distrust and are destructive. No intimacy can occur without communication. The book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman discusses various types of communication including physical (i.e. holding hands, cuddling, sex), verbal (constructive compliments and feedback), and others.
That also means that someone is able to share his or her most intimate details. It is a shame that many couples go 20+ years without knowing what the other wants, whether it is in the bedroom or how they want to be treated, because they may be timid to express it. Express it. The other person may not agree, but should be open to the idea at least.
7. Has Low Standards For Himself or Herself
Ultimately they have to respect themselves to have healthy relationships with anyone else. Whether it’s not having proper hygiene or always settling for their unmet needs, a person with low standards is not mature and will not lift and encourage you to have higher standards.
8. Lack of Self-Love
You cannot love anyone until you love yourself. You can’t give someone water from your cup if your cup is empty.
9. Isn’t Supportive in Your Decisions and Dreams
Even if you fail, your significant other should help pick you back up and encourage you to do what you really want to do. They should never hold you back from your dreams and encourage you unconditionally in a positive and constructive way.
10. Tries to “Fix” You or Change You
Later in relationships people often try to make you into the person they want to have instead of who you are. They don’t embrace your faults and quirks, nor do they love and support you through them all unconditionally. If they try to change you, it is usually manipulative. This is different than encouraging you to be on time or growing together to be more responsible. If You want to change and they help you that is fine. But they should not try to change you. You change for yourself, first. They should love you and your quirks and faults, while being supportive of the changes you want to make. Likewise, hopefully the changes you want to make are helping yourself to also be better for your partner!
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The Dumping Grounds
This priest wins the most heartwarming Star Wars trailer reaction award
Fire truck drives through 11ft flood
Green Day preforming at their local high school. Four years before they were known worldwide
Rage Against The Machine – First Public Performance (Full Concert) – October 23, 1991.
How does a burger taste after wrongfully serving 36 years in prison
How a one-man bank robbery goes down. In and out in 60 seconds
Kron Gracie v Garry Tonon ADCC China 2013
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Awesome Stuff Around The Internet
There’s Cosplay Then There’s Shi!ty Cosplay (30 Photos) – Radass
A Tribute To The Majestic Beauty Of Mother Nature – Ned Hardy
6 Incredible Ancient Wonders (Destroyed By Idiots) – Linkiest
Kylie Jenner is amazing in these GIFs – Bro My God
Kylie Jenner Wore a Mini Skirt in Los Angeles – G-Celeb
Judge OKs $1B NFL Settlement on Concussions – Newsers
Hump Day is a Happy Day (35 Photos) – Radass
The 21 Funniest Texts From Mom – World Wide Interweb
Nine Inch Nails Frontman Trent Reznor Selling House for $4.495M – Curbed
Sexy Girls In Short Shorts (25 Pics) – Regretful Morning
Russian MMA Org Features Armored Knights Battling With Swords And It Looks Amazing – Bro Bible
Lauren Stoner looks good in a bikini – Celeb Slam
Wow, Just Wow! – Double Viking
Here’s What $1 Million Buys In Housing Markets Around The World – Business Insider
College Babe Of The Day – Sara Cardona From UT Chatt. – College Envy
Sexy Earth Day Hippies – Gunaxin
It’s True! Netflix Brings Back Full House! – The Gentleman’s Garage
Supermodel Doutzen Kroes Shows Off Her Butt in Ripped Jeans – The Blemish
10 Ridiculous Beliefs That Are Killing Your Success – Addicted 2 Success
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Hot Babe Of The Day: Shae Summers
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There Are Some Things You Just Can’t Argue With
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20 Absolutely RIDICULOUS Food Concoctions You Need To Try Before You Die
via FoodBeast
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26 People Confess To The “Fattest Thing” They’ve Ever Done
1. It might not count because I was massively pregnant but I woke up in the middle of the night, poured an entire box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a big glass bowl, threw in a bag of marshmallows, drizzled it with melted butter and then put it in the microwave to melt the marshmallows. I then watched Dexter for 2 hours and ate the whole thing while crying.
2. Okay I have the perfect story for this. I told my wife I was going to the gym, but somehow I ended up going to Mcdonald’s instead. I ate my cheeseburgers in a parking lot, and waited a little while until it seemed long enough for a workout. When I got home, I poured water on my head and shirt to look like I had been sweating. That is the absolute saddest and fattest thing I have ever done.
3. I ate half of a cake once when I should have only one piece. I was horrified and didn’t want anyone to know, so I finished the cake, baked a whole new one, forced myself to eat the one allowed piece. Then I barfed in the middle of dinner.
4. I once ate almost an entire bucket of those cheese balls then I sat there in my orange shame reflecting on the choices I’ve made.
5. Ever heard of a Scotch egg? I make a dessert version using spice cake wrapped around a Cadbury egg and deep fried. Served with buttercream frosting as “gravy”. It’s absolutely delicious, but everyone within a 10 meter radius gets diabetes
6. I ate two pans of brownies in less than an hour. I didn’t even realise that I’d eaten that much until I saw the two empty pans.
7. Bought a dozen large apple fritters, ate 11, puked, ate #12, napped.
8. Got the wrong order from a southern chicken restaurant called Zaxby’s, ate it angrily, then drove to the adjacent city and went to THAT Zaxby’s, ordered it again, got the right order, and then ate that angrily, too. It cost me about $17, not counting gas. It wasn’t even good. Did the same thing with a pizza, that one cost me about $32. I must be descended from some fat, spoiled noble who couldn’t handle an unsatisfying meal and tormented his poor cooks.
9. I once ordered a 20 piece McNugget from McDonald’s, and realized there were actually only 19 nuggets. I was in a pissy mood already, so I went back and made a big deal out of it, and they gave me a whole new 20 piece, leaving me with 39 total nuggets, all of which I ate in one sitting.
10. Anniversary time. Wife and I walk four blocks down the hill to the House of Prime Rib. We gorge on meat meat meat meat meat meat meat. Oh yeah, there’s a salad and we eat that too. Groaning with pleasure, we waddle out of the restaurant. Look up the hill. We can see our apartment. I look at her. She looks at me. We hail a cab.
11. A double hamburger, with the ends made of grilled cheese sandwiches. Grilled Cheese Patty Bun Patty Grilled Cheese. I could literally feel my arteries clogging.
12. I ate a ham. A whole fucking ham.
13. I did what’s called a bang-bang. I ate at two completely separate restaurants, and had two full meals, back to back. I saw it on an episode of Louie and thought it would be fun to try. It was, but I’d never do it again. I gained eight pounds that day.
14. I did this somewhat on accident once after eating at a Chinese place and then a Mexican establishment. This is a dangerous combination. The aftermath hit me on the way home. I ended up driving about 90 mph with one hand on the wheel and the other holding my butt cheeks together as tears streamed down my face. I was thrusting my pelvis into the air to get maximum leverage against the unstoppable force making its way out of me. I pulled into my driveway on an angle with my driver’s side door closest to my house door and didn’t worry about closing any of them or shutting my car off as I sprinted in to the bathroom. I made it with no time to spare. It was a great victory.
15. Phoning for pizza delivery. “It’s buy one get one free today, sir.” So naturally, I pretend to shout up to non-existent housemates to ask them if they want one, before telling the guy on the end of the phone that, yes, “we” will take two. Ate both in one sitting.
16. Going back about seven years, height of depression, girlfriend was a complete psycho bitch, etc. One weekend, she was going to be out of town and I tried to organize a get together with some friends. We agreed on a Friday evening and I planned the most awesomest sexiest party there ever was.
I didn’t account for the fact that as they were all wifed and children’d up, every single one of them flaked the very day of the event. All with cuntbag excuses like “The child is ill” or “the wife has a headache” or “I forgot I have to wake up early tomorrow because wife’s parents are in town that evening and I have to buy some shoes” or some fuckbollocks. When the last one called, I didn’t even wait for the excuse – cue a bunch of texts about me being an asshole.
Shame. It would have been cool too! I had such great plans for the evening.
In a depressive rage, I still ordered enough pizza for 12 people with sides. I spent that Friday night with a bunch of beer, 8 large Dominos pizzas, some movies I’d bought but not got around to seeing and near on two 20x packs of Marlboro ciggies. I finished the evening by letting off about £200 worth of fireworks I’d bought for the occasion.
On the one hand, in a drunken manic depressive rage, fireworks appear way cooler! Especially when the guy you bought them from was a professional display dude and slid you a few rockets he really shouldn’t have! This is especially true when you’re at the stage of saying, “I shouldn’t have had that last pizza…” as in not “slice” of pizza.
Cue me at 2am, drunk in my back yard, finishing the last beer, really thinking… “As a person, I am fucked!”
I guess the morning after was also my epiphanic moment. I was 23 years old, it was 8am, I’d gotten no sleep, I was hurling up something chronic in the bathroom and some of it still resembled bits of pizza.
This was when I decided that there was something majorly wrong with my life and I had to do something about it. I’d had some thoughts about that before, but the fattest thing I’ve ever done is certainly that. 8 pizzas, however many beers, 40 cigarettes… and fireworks.
17. One night – after smoking a few bowls – I ordered Dominos. I ate 16 Parmesan Bread Bites, 2 Medium BBQ Chicken Pizzas, and drank a 2 liter of Diet Coke.
18. At a carnival a few years back, I had deep fried butter. I shit you not, it was a stick of butter put in batter then deep fried with cinnamon and sugar. I wallowed in my artery clogging misery afterwards.
19. I once ate half a tub of ice cream with a tablespoon of Nutella spread accompanying every mouthful because I ran out of chocolate syrup. I later learnt of the nutritional content of Nutella, and realised that I must have ingested a week’s allowance of saturated fats in one sitting.
20. Went to Korean bbq and ate for 4 hours. In my defense, it was KBBQ.
21. I ate 10 breakfast burritos from McDonald’s over the course of an hour on a fishing trip. I felt like a soft serve machine that was accidentally left on the next time I shat.
I’ve drunk a ladle full of melted butter and straight taco grease for like 75 cents for each one.I could feel my heart struggling. But it was for money so it’s okay
22. I was meeting friends at the theatre. They were late so I bought extra-large popcorn and two large drinks, for all of us. Nobody came. I walked out of that movie with half a drink and depression.
23. Ok so back story here I was working at a McDonald’s while in high school. Well it was summer and I was working quite a bit cause we were very understaffed. Well my schedule was 6am- 6pm and one of my Co workers schedule was 6pm-6am (we were supposed to rotate so it worked well). Anyway he comes in one day and says there is a family emergency and he needs to leave for a few days. I say don’t worry I’ll cover your shift go take care of things. I worked from Monday morning at 6am to Wednesday night at 6pm so I worked 60 hours relatively non stop. (Note I had my friends and family take me home so I could shower and such but yeah it was hell) Anyway I get done with my last shift and get told as a thank you for my work I can make anything I can think of. I made a sandwich that contained:
6x pieces of bacon
4x quarter pound patties
5x slices of swiss cheese
All topped off with mac sauce
I devoured it in literally about 5 min and then got taken home by my manager where he offered and I graciously accepted taking the next 2 weeks off haha.
24. I ate a $20 dinner for 2 at Chilis all by myself. My waitress said she was “impressed and disgusted.”
25. I got extremely hungry one night and all I had at home was a jar of mayonnaise and a can of corn. I mixed it and ate it all with a big fucking spoon.
26. Created a 9,000 Calorie pizza with some friends, we split it up and each slice had around 1,200 calories in each.
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Poll Of The Week
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The Dumping Grounds
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Are Women As Horny As Men?
What if guys and girls swapped roles at the bar?
Worst ref ever…dude has to argue with ref that his opponent was unconscious
Understanding substance addiction
Girl who was paralyzed for 11 days surprises her nurse
Rugby Player Gets Laid Out With A Brutal Hit!
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Pretty Girls Make The World Go Round
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Reaction GIFs Up In This Beeyotch Yo!
When my girlfriend tells me “we need to talk”
Every morning when I walk into the kitchen and find my cat on the kitchen counter where he shouldnt be
Looking at the front page of a Calculus exam
When I heard the Taliban and ISIS declared a jihad against each other
When my friends and i all get in the same vehicle in Battlefield 4
When you’re mad at your girl but she offers you the booty
When I’m two strokes from busting and my wife says “don’t stop”
When I’m drunk and walk into the living room in my underwear while my wife is hosting her book club
When someone asks, “Hey, do you want the rest of my- ”
When I fart in a crowd and pretend I’m disgusted like everyone else
When I’m done taking a shower and forgot to grab a towel
When It finally flushes
When I’m playing UNO with my friends and see my last card
When I’m taking a poop in a public bathroom and people walk in…
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This Is How You Steal $300 Million Worth Of Jewelry, Diamonds And Cash
A group of thieves in London raided the city’s diamond district, The Hatton Garden, earlier this month and made off with a record-setting $300 million worth in jewelry, diamonds, and cash. The thieves infiltrated a safe deposit center knowing that many of the jewelers in the area would have left their stock for the Easter weekend. It’s possible the gang of thieves took the entire extended weekend to loot up to 300 safe deposit boxes. This is how they did it:
The robbers disabled the elevator on the second floor and climbed down the shaft to the basement where the vault is located.
Once in the basement, they pried their way through this metal security door.
The vault door looks too difficult to crack.
So they drilled their way through the 20-inch thick concrete to get to the safety deposit boxes.
The hole is only 18 inches wide by 10 inches high.
But that was enough for them to get inside and into about 70 of the deposit boxes. They walked away with $300 million worth of cash and jewels.
Check out this interactive map detailing how police suspect it all went down.
The post This Is How You Steal $300 Million Worth Of Jewelry, Diamonds And Cash appeared first on Caveman Circus.
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Take A Break From The Grind To Remember That There Is A Big, Beautiful World Out There Waiting To Be Explored!
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5 First Hand Accounts Of Different Life Experiences
What’s It Like To Be In War
I’m a combat veteran with PTSD. War is extremely boring. Several months of preparing, sleeping, playing golf in the sand, writing letters, drinking water, singing songs with guitars people brought along, pooping out in the open, playing football, freezing at night, burning up during the day, wishing you were home, and
… … several hours of pure terror, your heart pounding so hard you think it might leap out of your chest, your best friend on fire, running as fast as humanly possible, pure luck, sleeping with one eye open and your hand on your weapon, laser focused on the task before you, the world melting away as the only thing you observe is a heart beating and breath being taken in, then silence.
You walk along with the rest of the group. Everyone celebrating that we’re going home, but you just give a fake smile. All you can think about is not having been there 5 minutes earlier, or why didnt he duck, or why him…
And the sound still stays muted even through the great yell being given by everyone as the plane lifts off the ground and heading home, the high fives given are half hearted and unenthusiastic as we stop at several airports on the way to the states. Everything quiet and just as dead as your best friend.
Then you finally see your beautiful wife…and it hits you. That you were lucky enough to be here, now. That incredible moment when you finally hold her and kiss her deeply and forget everyone else there to meet you.
Then remember that other beautiful woman not kissing her hero. Not making love to her prince – and the guilt starts again.
Then the real war starts. The yelling and screaming – you left the fucking door open! What the fuck is wrong with you! Dont you know anything about security???
The feeling of fury over a burned sandwich-that smells like death.
The anger over someone being sweet to you.
The murderous rage over being woken up in the middle of the night by that sweet someone wanting to make love.
The anguish of having experienced a break in and beating the fuck out of that person only to find out it was an elderly man with alzheimers having accidentally walked into the wrong home and the blind fury over her having not locked the front door – again.
War itself is hard, sure. But the training and the adrenalin and the focus makes it all a blur.
It’s After war where we arent trained and dont have an outlet for the adrenalin and the only focus is the pain and fear and guilt and sleeplessness that makes it last decades. Decades.
- mherick
What’s It Like To Enter The Japanese Workforce
There used to be a legal concept and now there is a de facto concept known as “lifetime employment.” Basically, when you begin a career with a company, you would have to egregiously fuckup/commit malicious deeds to lose your job. However, businessmen who fail publicly on a major project that they took leadership of, or businessmen who piss off the wrong people in the firm, are often shipped off to undesirable locations (remote countryside, foreign branches, less-than-desirable departments, etc.) or just have their careers turn into a living hell.
As such, if you are a Japanese businessman and you want a relatively cushy path towards middle/upper management, you are dissuaded from taking risks. This leads to situations where people ignore potentially lucrative opportunities in favor of the less risky status quo. This leads to stagnation.
One way Japanese businesspeople bypass this problem is by doing “nemawashi” before business deals. This means taking 6 months or so meeting with all potential stakeholders in small meetings, winning them over one by one, before you ever pitch your main idea to the main committee/bosses (who has also been briefed ahead of time). This way all parties agree with the idea and the risk is mitigated.
Likewise, committees are often formed, sometimes even between multiple business units or even companies entirely, to make sure everyone agrees on everything. This helps everyone save face (as they all agree on the same thing) in the event of failure. Unfortunately this also leads to stagnation on an epic scale as typically it’s impossible to get a bunch of risk-adverse executives to all agree to the same thing.
The Japanese education system does a great job of teaching conformity. This helps squash a lot of the entrepreneurial spirit that you would naturally see out of graduates in other countries. No one wants to be the “nail that sticks out.”
It also teaches Japanese students how to prepare for standardized tests, but not critical thinking skills. This tends to put them at a disadvantage in a global business community, when compared to graduates from other developed nations. Also their foreign language teaching is laughable – designed more for standardized tests than actual international business.
I like to use this story to explain this a bit… As a typical Japanese high school student, here is what you are expected to do:
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Spend years of your life studying your ass off before school, during school, after school, 7 days a week so you can do well on the entry exams for the best colleges.
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Spend your senior year of college wearing a suit and job hunting, attending dozens of monotonous seminars and taking more exams, in the hopes that you can get a low paying entry level job at a well known firm (like a Toyota).
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Slave away for 3-5 years, making $20-40K and working 80 hours a week. Go on forced drinking excursions only to be physically, verbally, and often sexually harassed by your seniors who you actually hate but pretend to like in public.
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Live at home until you’re 30 because you don’t make enough to move out.
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Finally get promoted to sub-middle-manager as you approach 30. Go on a bunch of forced group dates so you can finally get laid and settle for the plain jane over in accounting.
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Get married to plain jane (who secretly resents that you don’t make enough money for her to buy Coach bags) and move into a shithole apartment in the suburbs of Tokyo.
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Spend the next ten years working 80 hours a week, going bald, and sleeping with hookers on business trips. You’ll develop a pretty serious drinking problem while your wife sleeps with her high school sweetheart when you’re out of town.
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Finally get promoted to middle-manager and make decent money. Now you can afford to buy a shithole apartment in the suburbs. Enjoy your two hour commute on a packed train every day while you contemplate suicide.
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Pop out one kid (because that’s all you can afford) now that you’re in your early 40s. Look forward to raising them to be just as miserable as you because “that’s just the way things are.”
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Finally retire when you’re in your upper 60s and enjoy life for a bit before you die of cancer.
That is the reality of life for a LOT of Japanese youths. And they know it.
- TofuTofu
What’s It Like To Have Depression
If you want perspective from someone who has suffered depression of what it actually feels like, I can offer what it felt like to me:
Imagine your head is like a whirlpool in a hurricane – thoughts are just whirling around (and around and around) in there. Positive thoughts float, and they just sit there on the surface until they are blown away, but negative thoughts get sucked into the whirlpool and spin around, repeating themselves over and over, and worse and worse, until you have arrived at the worst-case believable scenario, at which point they sink down the spout and you internalise them as truth. Worse, the whirlpool is mesmerising – it’s a natural disaster, a tidal wave, a train wreck, and you just can’t look away.
You can throw as many “chin up!”, “get over it”, “come out to this party”, “you’ll be OK” and “just get out of the house” comments at that as you like, but it won’t do shit. My mind will just force me to blow those comments off – I’ll probably ditch the party, or make some non-committal noise about leaving the house or cheering up, so I can get back to the whirlpool. Because, I’m USED to watching the whirlpool. In some sick (mentally sick) way, I LIKE that I have a whirlpool to watch.
When I’m sick enough, I’ll cling to the whirlpool as the only thing that makes me different, more realistic than those annoying little shits that keep asking me to go to parties and telling me to cheer up – what is there to cheer up about? The world is all going to end in fire eventually, everybody dies, what difference does it make when I die? If I killed myself, people might stop making their glib remarks that I should cheer up and go out partying – that would be nice – how awesome would it be to shut all of those bastards up, to make them feel what I feel for just one day?
At this point, the only thing stopping me was what it would do to the people I didn’t want to feel bad – my family. I couldn’t put them through that, even for revenge against everyone that didn’t care. (Remember, I’m talking from the perspective of my sick mind here). Don’t get me wrong, it was CLOSE. I was going through ways I could kill myself that I would be comfortable with. I explored my fear of dying in minute detail to find a scenario in which I would be able to kill myself. If my depression had gotten even a little worse, that would have been the end of me.
Do you know what helped to bring me back from the brink many times – helped to control the seething desire to do something drastic? Cutting myself. It helped me gain some control, helped me associate my mental anguish with physical pain so I could dissociate from it a little, treat it, know it.
I sought professional help, and ended up on a series of different antidepressants, all of which failed for one reason or another (some had bad side effects, which led me closer to suicide). But, then something remarkable happened while I was dosing up on one of them and getting counselling – I got into a relationship.
Now, I had to drop that antidepressant (I believe it was an NSRI), but having someone around me most of the time who would just listen to what I had to say, would let me vent and just HOLD me, that helped me get back to a place where I could get some perspective and climb my way out of the pit. It was a small improvement, but it was one that interrupted the whirlpool. The counsellor got me talking, and my partner kept listening and supporting me, and not forcing me to go anywhere or do anything I wasn’t OK doing.
You have to remember, that for me at least, going out was just a tiring way to get back to bed at night, depressed. It changed nothing, and because it tired me out, I actually felt worse, not better.
What’s It Like To Be An Alcoholic
You’re 16 and hanging out with your buddies at a friend’s trailer because his dad’s out of town and you decide you’re gonna get f-cked up, so you drink a six-pack of beer in under a half-hour. The last things you remember are sitting down to take a crap then your buddies laughing you awake when you pass out with your pants around your ankles. The next day, along with your hangover come stories about all the hilarity you caused during your blackout. How you spelled “F-ck You” with your piss on the driveway of some chick who dissed you. How you told the waitress at the diner downtown to go to hell when she told your friends to get your drunk ass out of there before she called the cops. Man, what fun times you laugh over! That’s one way this whole thing starts, when you’re a teenager, and you think that getting totally smashed is both fun and funny.
But it doesn’t stay that way. Because the good times roll over into college. The parties blur together: nights stumbling home down the hills of a darkly lit desert city. Finding that your friends, in your drunken stupor, had taken markers to your face and drew cocks aimed at your mouth and epithets usually found on bathroom stall walls scribbled on your forehead. You have no idea how long they were there before you now see them in the mirror. Then the rest of your 20s roll by, where you’ve worked up to beers with sidecars, and remember that time you almost went to jail when you choked that racist up against the bar wall for saying that he thought white people were superior to blacks? Sober, you’d have walked away, disgusted someone had said that, knowing you were smarter, and perhaps pitying the person who thought so small. But drunk, you fell to violence. And you find yourself in your 30s, and you obsess over some startling new symptoms, those of the alcoholic.
Example: An alcoholic gets emotional: angry, sentimental, happy, etcetera. Those emotions emit via diatribes that don’t make sense, like when I got upset at my family because — from my drunk perspective — they didn’t care about the “state of world affairs” and were content to go on living their blissfully ignorant lives, la la la. Did I tell you that this occurred one year on Christmas night? I called my mom a bitch when she told me to shut up already. I threw up in my sister’s kitchen sink. The next morning I apologized to everyone, but this kind of damage goes unrepaired, really.
It is, at times, very painful to be an alcoholic. You get muscle cramps. Alcohol dehydrates the drinker and interferes with the delivery of electrolytes to muscles. On top of this, I’m a jogger, and I live in Atlanta, and muscle overexertion in hot weather contributes to these painful spasms. For me, they usually manifest in the hamstrings and calves, and they almost always happen sometime in the middle of the night. It’s like someone has tied a string around one end of a muscle without my knowing it, and then they give it a yank and hold the string taught. It hurts like hell. The other night I had a severe cramp while sleeping in a tent (I was camping). The only way to end a cramp and the pain is to leap from bed and get weight on my leg. That’s not so easy to do when you’re wrapped in a sleeping bag on the ground in the woods. So I just lay there and grunted and screamed until I woke my wife and there was nothing to be done but wait painfully for it to pass, which took five excruciating minutes.
You also get these strange muscular and nerve problems, like when you’re sleeping you get the pins and needles in your hands and arms. Yeah, lots of people get this, but your case is different, because it happens pretty much every night. You’ve figured out ways to sleep that help to prevent this, like when sleeping on your stomach you tuck one hand under your head and the other under your chest/belly, and this alternating arm position seems to reduce the symptoms. But you have other issues. Ever have the strange, involuntary and sudden sensation that you’re falling? You get this almost every night, out of nowhere, and it startles you awake, which can contribute to the insomnia (covered below).
Alcohol withdrawal sucks. Your blood pressure spikes, and if you’re me you can actually feel it. It’s like the blood pumping up my carotid artery and into my brain vibrates against my skull so I hear the pulses in my ears and they won’t go away. You get night sweats. You have insomnia, because you’ve relied on alcohol to put yourself to sleep and either voluntarily or not you’ve now deprived yourself of your “sedative.” You lay awake reading and writing. This is excellent for your productivity, but not so good for getting to work the next day after a sleepless night.
Night terrors: these aren’t nightmares, as you don’t achieve REM sleep. That’s because, as previously mentioned, you cannot sleep. But you sometimes do get into a weird half-awake/half-asleep state in which you think you can see everything in the room in which you lie. The details are extraordinary. There’s the television, the coffee table, the remote. You feel the fabric of the couch beneath you. But you cannot move. You’re paralyzed. And what’s more awful is that you hear the footsteps (someone’s, but whose?) approaching from behind. Then you feel whoever that is touching your shoulder, pushing against you. You’re so goddamn scared because you cannot see who or what this is because you cannot move to see the person or to make him stop, or to get away, or to fight back. Then your eyes snap open to the living room, empty except for you laying there. You return to your book, the lines of prose running by like armies marching east. When you doze, repeat at this paragraph’s beginning. The process continues till morning.
In general, long-term alcohol abuse causes high blood pressure. You retain water because the alcohol constantly depletes your system of it, even as you take in excessive amounts of water because you prefer beer, which is composed mostly of that life-giving compound. Still, your body tries to flush the poison ethanol from your system. Add to this the fact that often alcoholics spend inordinate time in bars and thus dine on bar foods loaded with salt that also contributes to water retention. All this water in all of your cells, including your red blood cells, causes the hypertension your doctor diagnoses you with and for which he prescribes Lisinopril, and tells you to cut out salts, change your diet, and lose weight. He doesn’t question your alcohol intake because about this you have lied, saying you only have about 10 drinks per week. One time you even tried to stick to that and successfully did so for almost a week prior to a doctor’s appointment. At that appointment, when your doctor asked, and you truthfully (for that one-week period, at least) responded with the ten number, he said, That’s not too bad. And with your confidence you explained that those 10 came all on the weekend, that you didn’t have one drink all week long. That was when your doctor’s eyebrows raised and he looked at you incredulously, saying, “10 drinks in one weekend?” And you did not have the strength to explain that most of the time 10 drinks in one night are barely enough to get you buzzed.
Back to the sleep problems, because, since you’re an alcoholic your alcohol tolerance is incredible. So, yet another thing that you and your friends thought was cool when you were younger, but turns out not to be cool later in life, is the fact that you can drink, and drink, and drink. In fact, a 12-pack of beer, a couple cocktails, and a few glasses of wine are sometimes merely enough to get you only a little buzzed. When you were young, people would gather at parties to watch you imbibe and exclaim, How does he keep on drinking without getting drunk or sick? This was your training ground. Later, you’ll visit Russia, the world’s drunkest country, where the men with whom you drink will tell your wife that in the future you can return to drink with them without your Russian-speaking wife to accompany you. Never mind that, likely, due to Russian men’s propensity to die very young due to alcohol-related issues, these guys won’t be alive by the time you get a chance to do that, and never mind the chances that you’ll be alive. Still, you amazed them with your drinking, as their red faces gazed on yours and they spit their das and spiceebas to you and to each other. Even when you’re not in Russia, on days when you’ll decide that you want to get your drinking done, you’ll start early, around noon, publicly, at the bar up the street. You’ll drink beer. You’ll work while you drink, typing away on this laptop. Later in the afternoon you’ll order a Maker’s Mark neat, and then you’ll order another. That’s usually enough to make you feel just all right. After you get home, you’ll continue drinking. There’s no telling how many drinks you’ll consume on these days. 20? 25? Either way, you’ll go to bed relaxed, but not drunk. You’ll think you could even operate a motor vehicle, and in many cases you have done so. You realize how idiotic and irresponsible this is, but that will be the next morning. And this, all this you drink, is so that you can sleep.
Diarrhea. You’ll rarely ever poop solid. Sorry, yes this is gross, but it’s the truth. See, because alcohol inflames your lower intestine and inhibits water reuptake via your bowels, you’ll poop watery stools regularly. Also, your pancreas is f-cked up and inflamed from the alcohol use. The enzymes the pancreas normally secretes in order to help digest food don’t get where they need to go in the stomach, so all that nutrition you’re supposed to get doesn’t end up in your body as it passes in that watery stool, wasted, like your body, which is wasting away. The other thing that sucks about this is the diarrhea splatters that have to be cleaned off the underside of your toilet seat and in your toilet bowl, if you ever anticipate company. And it’s not like you can just do this once a week or something. You pretty much have to clean up after every movement, the likes of which can sometimes top six a day because, well, you probably already know what having diarrhea’s like. Imagine this being a 365-days-per-year kind of thing.
Another thing that sucks is trying to find drinking time. Unfortunately, most people, myself included, are fairly responsible, have jobs and families, and work hard to maintain the personal and professional relationships that help perpetuate these scenarios. Because such work has to be put into such relationships, necessarily that time has not been diverted to drinking. But, if you’re an alcoholic (and don’t go fooling yourself thinking that only true alcoholics are the people who are f-cked up down at the park, in the ragged clothing, homeless, with the red wrinkled faces) then a good portion of your thinking per day goes into how you will get your drink on. You’ll think things like, if I go to the bar today, then I won’t get the emissions test done on the car, but I could get that done tomorrow. I mean, the registration’s already expired, so what does one more day matter? You’ll think: my wife leaves work at 5:30 p.m., so if I’ve got time after I’ve finished teaching, I can stop by the bar for a beer and a shot, then go to the grocery store to pick up the “casual” beers I’ll drink with dinner, then, after the wife goes to bed I’ll have the cocktails that are waiting for me, sitting in the liquor bottles in the cabinet at home. For at least a little while every day you’ll think about that story you’re working on and the sentences that accompany it, and rarely you’ll have great spurts during which you’ll write insatiably. All this creates an air of efficiency and productivity which is really a ruse for the one thing that you actually accomplish with any regularity and that is drinking.
The good news is that there are millions of people like you! Most people can’t fess up to the fact of their alcohol abuse. Your own family is this way: they can’t admit that there’s a history of alcoholism on both your father’s and your mother’s sides, nor can they accept it when you tell them that you have a drinking problem. They say, You have a job! You’re responsible! However, you have at least accepted the truth and you’re able to at look yourself. Hence the sleepless nights: because I try so hard to not drink so much. I’ve learned that if I wean myself from a bender by cutting down the amount I drink every day I can alleviate the withdrawal symptoms and get at least a little sleep. I’ve learned to enjoy beer, wine, and cocktails with food and to not get totally wasted all the time. I’m not a believer in 12-step programs, because no god — or gods — has anything to do with my addiction, and I believe that that addiction is a curable disease. To that end, I’ve learned to not go on benders. I poop solids! My health has returned and the doctor says I might go off the blood pressure meds. I tell myself the truth daily. I write essays about the truth about myself! I keep telling myself: This is evidence that you’re more productive with your work. What’s left to work on is watching your children grow into adults. And you’re working in that direction. That’s all you need to tell yourself. Tell yourself this every day: that you’re working so goddamn hard.
What It’s Like to Be a 58-Year-Old Virgin
So, when you say you’re a virgin, how do you define that? Have you engaged in any sexual acts at all?
Nothing whatsoever, with anybody. I gave a girl a kiss on the lips when I was a kid, but it wasn’t a make-out or anything. That was before adolescence; those hormones and desires hadn’t kicked in.
The last, and the only, time you kissed a girl was nearly 50 years ago.
Yes.
What was your childhood like?
My father was very abusive. He was always telling me I was useless and would never amount to anything. Once I was in my grandfather’s plane at 12,000 feet and my dad was yelling such terrible things that I tried to open the door and jump out.
Was he like that with your mother, too?
Yes, he subjected her to physical and emotional abuse. She was a homemaker and couldn’t drive because she had a lot of neurosis. My dad was a construction supervisor and didn’t stop bossing people around when was done with work. He was in the war and, according to my grandmother, he was one of the only survivors on a ship of 250 people that blew up. She says that’s when he snapped — he had to be taken home in chains. Apparently he was a nice person before that.
Did you have siblings?
I have a much older brother and there was a baby boy who passed away before I was born. He was crying, as infants do, and my dad made mom take the crib outside in the rain and leave him there until he stopped. My dad refused to take him to the hospital and he was dead by the time the ambulance arrived.
When your father was violent, what did he do to you?
I was such a small, skinny child and he was a strapping Marine; I didn’t even come up to his knees. Once he accused me of stealing his bullets from a drawer. I did not steal those bullets, so I denied it, but he insisted I was lying and whipped me with a belt each time I sad no. Eventually I pretended I did it so he would stop and then he kept asking me why. I didn’t even know what “why” meant. So he whipped me more and more until I finally became so terrified I managed to jump off the table and run out onto the street, but my dad caught up and upon me like an eagle. He would confine me to my room. I read seven volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica cover to cover, over and over. There really wasn’t anything else to do. He’d wake me at 3 a.m. in the morning just to beat me and then walk away with this grin like he was doing something he enjoyed.
Was there any sexual abuse?
Not from my father, but I did have a babysitter who tried to force me to suck his penis when I was about 3 years old. I refused and said I’ve got to go to the bathroom and slid out the window and hid in a juniper bush.
How did you discover what sex was, or explore what bodies are like?
I found copies of Playboy under my dad’s bed. I was drawn to boobs and I liked to see women in bikinis. I saw internet stuff, but a lot that can get pretty weird so that put me off. I found I’ve never watched a pornographic movie. The closest I’ve come is Baywatch or that film Earth Girls Are Easy, but I got so bored that I fell asleep halfway through. Actually, now that I think about it, I remember when I was a teenager I saw a man giving a woman oral sex while watching a movie at a drive-through.
Have you ever seen a woman naked, in real life?
When I was in my 20s, I lived by a lake and I saw some skinny dippers, but I didn’t talk to them because I didn’t think they’d be interested in me. I saw them walking on the road, but they were out of shape. I did see some better-looking ones, but I could only see their breasts. It wasn’t as if I went to watch them, I just happened on them.
What fueled your sexual fantasies?
Not those women, but the ones I had seen on the internet. Sometimes I would imagine myself having sex or holding a cute person I knew. But I don’t masturbate these days because it just causes misery and suffering. Also, I think I’ve got to the point where I no longer have much of a libido. My sex drive is just about gone.
When you were younger, did you fantasize about having sex a lot?
Of course.
How often did you masturbate?
Every second or third day. Sometimes I would go a week or a week and a half. I never had any problems reaching an orgasm.
What sort of women are you attracted to?
I find the woman from Ghost very good-looking. I used to find that gal that played the bionic woman cute, too.
Is sex on your mind a lot?
Up until about five years ago, yes, and it was absolute torture. When I was younger, I’d lay there hour after hour burning with passion. It was like your hormones dictated your thoughts and they were stronger than I was. I recently said a little prayer and decided to stop thinking about it; also, as I said, my sex drive has diminished as I’ve gotten older.
What faith are you? Did you grow up religious?
No, I got baptized in my 20s. I moved in with my grandparents, to get away from my dad. They had little cabin by the river. It was beautiful; it reminded me of the Katharine Hepburn film On Golden Pond. There was fishing and gold panning. My grandmother introduced me to religion. Even though I’m religious, that’s not really what’s stopped me from having sex. When people ask me why I’m a virgin, I tell them I suffer from terminal ugliness. I have an eye that doesn’t line up with the other one. I’d probably look better if I wore a pirate patch.
What was your social life like when you were growing up?
I had some friends, but I was beat up a lot because of how I looked. I was a rail-thin nerd; I’d stuff cardboard in my shoes to make myself taller and my left eye is messed up. I was afraid to sleep when my father was around, so I was always exhausted. One time I fell asleep sitting up and smashed my eye on a knob on the bedpost. It severed a nerve that closed my pupil. The pain was so extreme I couldn’t face the sun even with my eyes closed because it hurt so much. I had to walk around with my head tilted.
What did you do when you left school?
It was almost impossible for me to get a job when I was younger. I don’t have the kind of face that attracts people to want to hire me. I lived with my grandmother up until I was about 30 and I really felt trapped, lonely with no way out. I got a job as a telemarketer but quit when I figured out it was a scam, so I did some construction work before going to college to study computer programming when I was 32.
So you were a 32-year-old college student who was a virgin? What was campus life like?
It was hell. Everyone was enjoying spending time with women and I felt invisible. If I got attracted to a woman, my mind would just go blank and I couldn’t think of anything to say. Typical nerd. I felt like a freak. Everybody was getting something and I wasn’t. There was a time where I was just getting so inflamed and lonely I would have done it with anyone who offered.
Did you date or have girlfriends?
I’ve only ever been on one date and I have never been in a relationship.
What was that date like?
We went to La Comida, Mexican restaurant. I used to call it La “Crumeda” because the food was a joke. You only eat there if you are poor. I could tell she was bored with me, so I was too scared to broach the subject of sex. I think she only went on the date with me to be nice. When I was in my 30s, I made friends with a woman who worked at an A&W. I’d watch her as she served customers and she seemed supremely unhappy. She was probably about five foot six, with long blonde hair and a sweet smile, but her sadness was written all over her face. I saw her in that state of abject misery for years. All I know is her husband wasn’t faithful to her. He left and she had two kids to look after all alone.
One day she told me she really liked me because I was easy to talk to. I expressed my interest but that just scared her off. I guess I’m glad it didn’t happen because I wasn’t financially stable and I wouldn’t have been able to support her and that would have caused a whole lot of worry. Back then I didn’t realize how lacking I am in the skills it takes to make a partner happy. There was another friend I was interested in who I thought liked me but there was another woman I’d met and become friends with who lived Portland. I found a job and moved, but when I arrived she didn’t want to see me. I don’t necessarily blame her. I might have come on too strong.
How so?
She was sitting next to me and I was leaning into her too much. If only I’d been more aware of how she might feel. I don’t really blame her; I blame myself. So, out of a misguided sense of loyalty for someone who was just playing me for the fool, I missed out on both women. I wish I’d known the situation up there and reciprocated with the one who actually liked me. I tried calling her when I got back, but I was just too shy to be direct about what I wanted.
Do you think it’s harder trying to lose your virginity if you’re a man because you have to initiate?
I think so. Women either think I’m going too slow or too fast and I can’t seem to find an in between.
What happens when you try to talk to women?
My mind just goes blank. There’s nothing I can think to say.
Did you have trouble knowing when a woman is interested?
I had a friend at college who pointed out that this girl liked me. He said you could tell by the way she crossed her legs when she was talking to me. “She wants you,” but I had no idea. There was another time I was at the beach by the river talking to this girl who was wearing a bikini that was a few sizes too big for her, kind of showing me her breasts. I should have realized she was interested in me. I probably would have gone for it if I had really known at the time that she was indicating that she wanted to have sex. But I didn’t do anything.
Did you ever think of just asking a friend to have sex with you so you could have the experience?
When I was about 15, I did ask a girl, but she said, “No, my mom won’t allow it” and she wasn’t going to have sex until she was a responsible adult.
But what about when you were older, did you ever think about seeing a prostitute?
In the past, I thought about it, but I told myself, What’s going to happen if I pay for sex and just have it once? It will just be worse because I’ll know what it’s like and then I’ll want more, like having a taste of a fine steak and then learning you will only get to eat hard beans and drink water for the rest of your life.
Do you work at the moment?
No. I have problems with my back and my legs, so I’m just waiting to get a decision on my disability. I’m staying in my friend’s trailer. I have about $500 left. I don’t have to pay him any rent, though, or utilities.
What do you usually do during the day?
I watch Netflix and play around on the internet. Typically I check out Facebook first thing in the morning. I have a lot of friends, but they’re not intimate friends. I made a Tesla Coil like Nikola Tesla; it creates lightning that looks like what comes off the emperor’s fingers in Star Wars.
Is it fair to say that you’re scared of having sex?
I think so. I worry if I will be able to bring pleasure to my mate? Will I be a complete drag? I’m scared of getting rejected afterwards and also just not knowing what to do. I might not measure up to her expectations. I think there must be some sort of learning curve involved in it before it becomes fun. Any activity requires practice before you are really going to enjoy it.
Do you think you have a fear of relationships as well?
Yes. I’ve seen firsthand how bad marriage can be. So many people are just focused on their own needs. I consider myself damaged enough, emotionally, to never be able to function in a relationship. I think you need a certain amount of stability to cope with the dynamics. I can’t handle harsh criticism and lack the social skills to relate to another person intimately. I have such low self-esteem; I can’t take it when someone says something mean to me.
Have you felt lonely your whole life?
Yes, except when I consciously stopped thinking about sex. Before that, I’d often wish that I would simply go to sleep and not wake up. I guess there are still times where I feel that way. I live a fairly drab life in a little trailer in a place called Paradise, California. I have no mate. I have no car. I have financial worries. There’s really nobody to talk to. I can get on the phone and share little events about my life, but there’s nobody right here with me.
What about kids, is that something that you wanted?
It’s good I didn’t have kids because I’m scared I’ll end up treating them like my dad treated me.
Do you think there’s something deep inside you that’s stopping you from having sex or pursuing a relationship?
I think it’s the fear of knowing people don’t find me attractive. I had one woman tell me she thought I was cute, but that was about 10 or 15 years ago when I didn’t look like an old man. I have this story I tell people. I saw this guy and he was a train wreck. He had this white balding head, an eye that wandered off to the side, and a crazed look in his eyes. I tried angling away from him because those kinds of people make me nervous. The more I angled away the more he angled towards me … Don’t you hate mirrors? I laugh at myself like that.
If you really feel like your physical appearance is standing in the way, have you thought about ways you could change that?
I don’t have the money. But really, the biggest problem is that I’m so shy around the opposite sex. Women are attracted to confident guys and I am not confident. I end up friend-zoned. It infuriates me when I see some stunning gal who I would treat like a queen and she’s in a relationship with some knuckle-dragging jackass. I always get told, “Oh, you’re so sweet.” Well, sweet doesn’t cut it.
What’s the hardest part about being a 58-year-old-virgin?
Laying alone at night, falling asleep and then getting up in the morning and remembering you’re alone. It’s like waking up to the same nightmare every single day.
- Alexa Tsoulis-Reay
The post 5 First Hand Accounts Of Different Life Experiences appeared first on Caveman Circus.
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