When I’m about to masturbate and I lock my door
When the condom falls out of my wallet on the first date
When my ex-girlfriend calls after a year and tells me how much she regrets leaving me and that her life means nothing without me
When our helicopter pilot bails out mid-air with four of us still inside in Battlefield 4
When I was high at my vegetarian friends house
Growing up and my brother hit me right in front of my mom and gets away with it
When my drug-head cousin, who I haven’t seen in years, asks me for money before even saying "hi"
When I show up at a party at the actual time given in the invitation
When I try to wink at a cute girl
When the hottest girl at work walks into the bathroom 30 seconds after I took the most foul dump
When there’s a single donut left and I get asked if I want it
When my girlfriends says, "we need to talk."
When I’ve got morning wood and my girlfriend steps out if the shower
When I see a cute girl from behind but she turns around and has a butterface
When I receive my first bill to payback my college loan
When my girlfriend walks in on me fapping to something disgusting
When I invite friends over and all I have to eat is a huge ass bag of rice
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