When I’m having a good day but then remember something really awkward I once did from 10 years ago
When my girlfriend says, ‘Gee, I really thought I would have started my period by now.’
When I’m in the shower spanking it and can hear my roommate knocking on the bathroom door to hurry up
Whenever I cook something delicious in the microwave and there’s 10 seconds to go
When people start clapping in the movie theater
When I think back on who I lost my virginity to
When I’m drunk and someone tells me a random fact
When I go to say hello to my cat
When asked about taking my first shot of Everclear vodka
When I am having a bad day and someone has to antagonize me even further
When my mom tries to make a sex joke about her and my dad
When my brother made a holocaust joke in front of my Jewish ex-girlfriend
When I moved a dresser for my grandma
When some religious missionary stops me in the street and starts telling me about how I can get closer to God
When my mom walks in on a sex scene in a movie
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