When my kids believe they have to leave their Halloween candy in the kitchen “so mice don’t get it”
My brain cells when they see an exam question I know the answer to
When my mom sees me vacuuming the house
When playing Red Dead 2 and a guy witnesses me looting a dead body and goes to tell the Sheriff
When I flush and the water reaches the rim, but then goes back down on its own
When I hear that Hillary Clinton is considering another run for president
My girlfriends reaction when we move in together and I load the dishwasher for the first time
When it’s halloween and the kid with no costume expects me to give them candy
When my wife suggested wearing sheets to dress as ghosts for halloween and we’re the only white family in the neighborhood
When a fat person tries to argue with me that ‘healthy obesity’ exists
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