1. She sent me a video of herself in underwear. Waved at the camera, took a blade to her wrist, wiped the blood into her fingers and waved goodbye. It was like a scene from a horror movie. Oh, and yes, she’s alive.

2. She threatened to kill me, killed my cat, and dabbled in identity theft. A month later asked that we be friends and that I, like she has tried to do, should not live in the past.

3. My ex tried to gain sympathy from me by cutting her forehead open with a pair of nail scissors after a night out and claiming she was attacked on her way home. I know because she left a pair of bloodied scissors on the bedside table like a complete fucking welly head.

4. She let her new beau molest my 2 daughters when they were just a few years old.

5. Planned to kill me, then tried to execute the plan. 30k worth of damage to my house and firing a shot at me when I got home.

6. Secretly tortured our 3yo son by locking him in the closet so she could go to Kmart to fuck random guys. Long story short I now have full custody and he’s in therapy as a happy 6yo with next to no real memory of that time.

7. Told me she had brain cancer. Constantly was calling me crying telling me how she wasn’t sure if she was going to live or not and all these surgeries she was having. Come to hear from her sister 6 months later none of any of that had happened

8. Mailed poop to me EVERY DAY for 3 weeks! We were only dating for less than 2 weeks

9. Ex wife told everyone I touched my stepdaughters, I never found out till years later as my family never told me, but found out because someone reported abuse by her new husband; they then fled the state to escape the investigatio. She is pure evil. 

10. My ex 10 years ago was an abusive alcoholic, I had enough of her false promises and constant crap that I just walked out…..

In the next few months she:

Would phone my house, drunk, gloating about who she’s fucked

Show up to my parents, drunk, demanding to talk to me…. Various times she was verbally abusive to my mother who basically told her to “fuck off before I call the cops”

Threatened to lie to police that I sexually abused her son.

Threatened to tell police that bruises on her body (from being drunk all the time and falling over a lot) was from me….. Ironically SHE was the one who beat me…..

Told my parents, 5 months after I left her, that she was 2 months pregnant and it had to be mine…. Yeah ok….

Threatened to get her son’s alcoholic junkie Dad to “do you in” for not answering her calls

Called my boss various times at work, demanding I be fired for being abusive to her at my workplace (supermarket). He laughed at her and told her finally she was banned from the shop for harassing his staff.

Probably more, but thinking about it makes me feel like crap….

11. After we separated, I left our chinchilla in her care. A few days later, I come back to retrieve some of my stuff and our chinchilla was dead. From the looks of it, he was starved to death. One of the things I regret in life was not taking him with me when I had the chance. This is one of the very few moments in my life where it hurts thinking about it.

12. Invited herself to my house when my dog was getting put down. On the same day, when she could she attempted to have sex with me. I was obviously unhappy and turned her down.

I came to school after the weekend (my dog was put down on Saturday) and she had told everyone that I had forced myself on her and raped her.

Later on (a month or so later) she called me and told me to get back with her, “or else”. I told her I can’t get back with her so she said she’d kill herself if I didn’t. I didn’t say anything, and she downed 70 something pills of potassium. Had a friend call the ambulance, she survived, but wasn’t too healthy for a little while.

Oh yeah, I was 16-17 when all of this happened.

3/10, would not do again.

13. Broke into my house every day for about a month while I was at work. Showered, cooked food, watched TV and then left before I got home. I came home early one day and she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She very matter of factly said “oh I didn’t think you’d be home at this time”. Asked how she got in – when we were dating I had lent her my keys once. She got one cut for herself without me knowing. Of course after arguing we had wild sex. Crazy bitch sex can be fun. But that was the second last time ever.

14. Told anybody that would listen that I beat her. When people asked why she stayed with me she said that the sex was good. She told everyone that I beat her. When I started dating someone new, the new woman’s mother had even heard the rumor and told her daughter. It’s been a decade and I am still mad about it. I never once laid a hand on her.

15. Left a voicemail on my phone of her having sex with her new boyfriend.

16. Called Child Protective Services on me, claiming I was abusing and neglecting my daughter. Let me tell you, it’s pretty hurtful when someone shows up at your house accusing you or being a shitty dad. CPS saw how well I was doing with my daughter and how loving I was, so that case got thrown out. Now, my ex just got arrested for stabbing a guy in the arm and is insisting I help bail her out.

17. She cut off contact with our 3-year-old daughter. She’s a developmentally challenged child who loves her mom but she doesn’t even take the time to call her or stop by to say hi to her. She lives less than 30 minutes away.

I’ve never been so pissed at something in my life. The last time she said she would watch her, I intentionally didn’t tell my daughter till we were walking out the door that we were going to see Mommy (didn’t want to get her hopes up). About 10 minutes into the drive, she calls and says she won’t be able to watch her.

My daughter doesn’t understand most things so I just stopped at an ice cream parlor nearby hoping she would forget about seeing mommy. I could tell she was crushed. Didn’t eat a bite. When we got back to the house she went straight to her room and went to bed. She’s usually the most bubbly person on the planet but she couldn’t even handle her Mom ditching her. I end up being the one getting blamed in her mind.

She stole thousands of dollars, ruined my professional and personal life and ruined our family financially and I could care less about any of it. But if you treat my daughter like a dog, there is nothing that is going to dissipate my anger.

18. My ex cheated on me for about 6 months without me knowing. We were in bed on night and she rolled over and said get out. I was in shock and had no idea what to do so I left. We had joint everything.. she cancelled my phone, took all the money I saved out of my accounts, kept my dog that I tried incredibly hard to get back but most of all she told her friends, my friends, her family and my family all over social media that I choked her and beat her and she left to save her own life. She even posted pictures of cuts and bruises she got from a car accident online saying they were from me. Her car got broken into at a mall and her stuff was stolen and she told the police it was me. After I proved to the police I was working they quickly looked the other way. After at least a year of trying to clear my name I met the guy who she cheated on me with. At first I wanted to tear his face off but after he bought me drinks I found out she did the same exact thing to him.

19. She turned one of the burners on my stove on “high” without it being lit.

We had been broken up for a couple of days and she was getting the rest of her belongings out of my house. I was at the gym and texted to see if she had finished up and received a text that she had and then I finished up lifting and headed home.

Got to my house and all the lights were off save for the porch light. Opened the front door and smelled gas. My first thought was that my furnace line had ruptured or something.

I left all of the lights off and went down into the basement to see if I could hear/smell anything near the furnace and the gas line but there was no gas smell in the basement.

I went back upstairs and checked the stovetop in the kitchen. Sure enough, one of the burners had been turned on ‘high’ and was not lit. I turned it off and proceeded to open all of the downstairs windows (in January) to vent the gas.

My first thought was that it couldn’t have been done intentionally because my thermostat kicking the furnace on, or me turning lights on could have blown me up. The problem was that the knob can’t just turn itself and you need to depress and then turn to light any of the burners.

Then I remembered what she told me once (jokingly I thought at the time) which was “if I can’t have you, no one will.” So yeah, bitch tried to blow me, my house, and my cats up.

20. My ex-girlfriend stopped by to visit. I had just eaten enough Chinese food at a buffet to be near pass-out. I was laying on the blowup mattress and I hear her growl “You son of a bitch” and then BOOM! She punched me in the teeth.

I asked her what the fuck her problem was. At the time I was broke so I didn’t have any furniture – everything was neatly placed in the room including my condoms. She counted and noticed one was missing from the last time she visited. I scrambled up and she spit in my face. I told her to leave and walked to the door.

That’s when she opened the cabinet, took out the toaster oven, and threw it at the side of my head. My head was ringing, glass all over the floor from the broken oven door, blood is trickling from my head, I was panicked. I didn’t want to hurt her but she HAD to leave immediately. I told her I’d call the cops if she didn’t leave. The whole time in between assaulting me she was frantically glancing around the room for other signs I was “cheating” (even though I was single) and for stuff to assault me with.

I opened the door to encourage her exit and she started screaming, she said she’d get everyone in the neighborhood thinking I was assaulting her. I pleaded with her to please leave and she started tearing into the bare skin of my chest with her nails, grabbing and pinching and pulling. I forced her out the door and locked it. She started bashing at the windows. Finally she got in her car and left.

I slid to the floor and called my parents, in complete shock and sobbing. I hadn’t experienced that kind of crazy in my life before. She just attacked me in a fit of rage. I didn’t want to hit her back I just wanted to be left alone. The whole experience had me wondering about the mental problems she must have been hiding the entire time we were together. I was so afraid she would do something crazy like wreck her car to get “revenge” on me, or hurt my dog, or call the cops with a fake story.

It’s been 5 years since that day and it’s thankfully hazy now – it’s hard to describe what a blur it was.

21. After three and half years of abuse and two children, my ex-wife decided she wanted to ruin my life. Had me arrested on false charges of domestic violence which led to a plea bargain due to the fact that we were living on my 10,000.00/year income. She refused to work the entire relationship. This led to a three-year probation which included “group therapy sessions” for abusers. During these sessions “patients were required to recount the episodes of abuse and explain where they “made mistakes”. Due to the fact that I hadn’t actually committed any abuse I was forced to lie, as lack of participation equals failure to abide by the requirements of the probation deal. This led to the judge threatening me with up to three years in prison. As a result we fled the country and set up shop in the Middle East. I was forced to join the army and served as a combat soldier for two years. During the second year of military service I finally grew some balls and told her I wanted a divorce. The resulting meltdown created a situation in which I was forced to flee my domicile. In the process I forgot to take my I.D. She spent the next year forging my signature on rent, phone, water, electrical and credit card contracts. To this day I am still paying off the 200,000-dollar debt she built up in my name. This figure does not include the debt she incurred using my I.D when she returned to the States. Oh and she illegally kidnapped my children when she fled the “middle east” to return to America. So yeah. I need a drink.

22. Took my cat and had him put down.

23. She flushed ALIVE all of my fish, and videoed herself doing it. She then sent me the video.

I had pet fish from before we got together. When we moved in together I brought my tank. When we eventually broke up I was the one who left the apartment because I had a closer living situation I could move into (back with my parents). I was to come by on Saturday to move out all of my things, including my fish. Thursday night comes and I get an email with a video in it, I open it to see my fish in a kitchen pot in the bathroom. She proceeds to pour them all into the toilet and I click away. I couldn’t watch, I called her dozens of times to no answer. Saturday comes, she’s not there as planned, and neither are my fish.

I know this will likely be buried and never read, but I just had to share. Hadn’t though about that in a long while. Still hurts.

24. In no particular order:

-Entered my apartment while I was at work and stole all my kitchen appliances and half my table settings.

-Sent a note to the apartment complex expressing my intentions to move out. I found out when they knocked on my door asking why I was still there.

-Told everyone that I was abusive (rather than admit we ended due to her cheating). I couldn’t even go to the Starbucks she worked at (whether she was there or not) because her coworkers believed her and would call the police if they saw me.

-(similar to above) She told my pastor at the time that I locked her in the bedroom, using a chair propped against it to prevent her escape and didn’t let her eat for a day. (This one was an amusingly bad lie, since the bedroom door opened into the room, making a propped chair impossible)

-Committed identity theft by using my SSN to phone in and have her credit card debt put in my name (about $4,000). I found out after being denied a loan two years later.

And this was all done by the same ex

25. My high school girlfriend started spreading lies about me to all of our friends, saying that I would beat her up and abuse her.

For example she said I would punch her in the mouth for smiling at me if I was in a bad mood, and that I treated her family like shit. There were some more horrible things being said, but what hurt me most is being told that I was an abusive bastard who kicked the shit out of her when I felt like it.

I learned who my true friends were after that. One of them apologized to me, thinking I knew that he slept with her while we were going out. I had no idea, and I just laughed in his face and gave him my condolences for the horror he had to endure.

The school got involved due to the rumors being spread and had a word with her about it, that’s when it all stopped being said.

Edit: No evidence [bruising or injuries] to back up her bullshit, and none of her friends had ever been told a bad word about me while we were going out. A lot of them stopped talking to her after that.

We were 15 when the relationship ended, but I got a new girlfriend some months later who I’ve been with for the last 8 years. No such complaints about her.

The post Never Stick Your D**k In Crazy…25 Guys Share The Most Insane ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ Stories appeared first on Caveman Circus.

The simple riddle that 50% of Harvard students get wrong

Thoughts and Prayers App

Jerry Seinfeld utterly rejects Kesha’s attempted hug

Woman whispers for help in a chilling 911 call. A woman called 911 whispering her plea for help. While the operator remained on line the whole time, the police arrived 20 minutes later and arrested her abductor who turned out a serial killer

Never shoot a man in a parachute 

The post The Dumping Grounds appeared first on Caveman Circus.

People Who Spend Money On Experiences Instead Of Things Are Much Happier – Elite Daily

Photos from Inside Atlanta’s Strip Clubs – VICE

Ashley Graham Reveals Why You’ll Never See Her Vagina In a Photo Shoot – Maxim

Rihanna Shows Off Nipple Piercing As She Wears A See-Through Blouse (NSFW) – Mandatory

“Lobster Boy”: The Circus Act Turned Murderer – All That Is Interesting

Driving Into Wet Concrete Is A Ridiculously Costly Error – Jalopnik

America’s Hidden H.I.V. Epidemic – NY Times

Josefine Forsberg Is Hotter Than Your Girlfriend – Yes Bitch

Attorney General Jeff Sessions offers to resign; DOJ has no comment – Rare

The Insane Life of the Punk Rocker Who Ate Feces And Beat People Up On Stage – Ranker

The First Footage Of Alex Honnold’s Rope-Free Climb Up El Capitan Is Making Us Feel Faint – YouTube

The Community Of American Nazis In The 1930s – The Atlantic

Robots will take over half of today’s jobs in 10-20 years – Market Watch

3 person brawl on highway ends when unexpected guest arrives – Trending ViewsT

he Most Powerful Lessons I’ve Ever Learned About Becoming The Best Version of Yourself – The Mission

46 Rare Marilyn Monroe Photos Reveal Her Life Before She Was Famous – Bored Panda

The post Awesome Stuff Around The Internet appeared first on Caveman Circus.

Instagram

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Judo vs Muay Thai

Arm wrestling douche talks a big game

That time Cain almost murdered Big Nog

All Leg Kick Finishes In UFC History

Naoya Inoue’s super slow-mo liver shot

Bowe vs Tillery turns into WWE after the end of round one

Highlights of a brutal back and forth Muay Thai fight!

Be careful who you mess with

Woman boxer eats punches for lunch!

Karo Parisyan tries to punk Nate Diaz

16 year-old Manny Pacquiao vs. Renato Mendones

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Don’t be fooled, women know when you’re being genuine with them. Even when they can’t put their finger on it, something in the back of their mind is throwing up red flags.

One of the most important lessons I learned in dating was to be 100% authentic. I dropped the shenanigans, pre-planned lines, and started being me. It was the best decision I’ve ever made and instantly I began building better and stronger connections.

I advise you to start doing the same and feel how liberating it is. It’s time to throw away the masks and start being real.

Be genuine with your intentions

If you like a girl as more than a friend, then you should act as such. Pretending you have no feelings for her and only see her as a friend won’t get you anywhere. It will most likely leave you frustrated and in the friend zone.  You’re being untrue to yourself and to her.

Embrace your sexual side as a man – it’s natural. Learn how to create chemistry and tension by teasing, being playful, and through your touch. A woman has to feel that raw attraction before she can be romantic with you. You’ve got to make the moves if you want things to progress. Remember, if at any time she expresses that she’s uncomfortable, be a gentleman and respect her boundaries.

Be genuine with your questions

Common problems I hear from guys are “What do I ask her?” “What do we talk about?” There’s no stock answer that will make her jump into your arms, it all depends on you.

What do you want to know about her? What’s important to you in a woman? Ask her about the things you truly care about. Why ask her about the game last night if you really don’t care? Try topics that intrigue you: find out if she likes rock music, if she’s into psychology, if she goes hiking, or what her passions are.

Your conversations will improve and you will pique girls’ interests. Not many guys have the guts to be their normal, curious self and it often surprises girls. You’ll look confidentwhile showing you actually want to get to know them. And that’s the secret, if you’re authentic in your questions and conversations, she’ll notice and respond positively.

Be genuine with your interests and passions

If you’re a film geek at heart or an aspiring writer, express it without shame. Hiding what you’re into will only come back to bite you — If you end up getting together, she’ll find out eventually anyways. Be honest from the start and she’ll respect you more for it.

You’d be surprised at how many girls will be interested in what you have to say. I’m a tech nerd at heart and I talk about it proudly. I explain it with enthusiasm and in an understandable way that gets her excited as well. I even turned my girlfriend into a Redditor. Plus, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you for you? There’s always someone who will.

Be genuine with your values

If a girl says something you truly disagree with, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Of course, be reasonable and don’t start an argument, but express how you feel. Too many guys become “yes” men around women and will agree with anything they say. You’ll stand out and make a great impact on her by being bold and discussing your thoughts.

Hold your values and what you believe in closely — they make you who you are and give you character. You can’t try to fit into a certain mold just to impress someone or win them over. It’s a game you can’t win and you’ll end up resenting it in the long run. Be your own man.

– Nick Notas

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More info: johnholcroft.com | Facebook

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What’s it like to know you are going to die soon?

How does it feel to know you are dying? That is a difficult question, because the answer can be different from day to day or even from hour to hour. The feeling, range from denial, to fear, to guilt, to anger, to sadness and to acceptance. It is the same, I suppose, as any greiving process. You can’t work your way through one set of feelings and neatly move on to the next.

It is almost like being at the beach, standing in the water on a windy day. A wave comes at you and almost knocks you off your feet. You struggle and regain your balance, just in time for the next wave to hit. Over time, the strength of the waves subside and you think your footing is a little more secure. Suddenly, out of seemingly no where another large wave hits and you almost loose your balance again.

I suppose that pretty much describes the grieving process for anything. You can be hit by wave after wave of denial or anger, what ever, each wave trying to knock you down. The emotional waves don’t hit in any particular order or strength. Gradually, these waves do lessen in strength or intensity and you come to the peacefulness of acceptance. You are still not out of the water, and at anytime a wave can suddenly come back and hit.

Over time these emotional waves become less frequent and less severe. For me acceptance came almost as a relief. Knowing, I would not have to deal with the roller coaster ride of emotions, the ups and downs. Am I totally free of these feelings, no. I don’t really know, if I ever will be totally free. As long as you are alive, how can you be totally free of your feelings? Accepting them is one, thing being free of them is another. The waves have just been downsized and more easily manageable.

Maybe, I am still in an element of denial. I know what the doctors have said and I accept that. I just don’t think it is going to happen any time soon. Is that denial or just the human spirit pushing us on? I don’t know. With acceptance does that mean I have given up? No. Does that mean I have lost the will to live? NO. All it means is I am ready to go when God calls me, but not one minute before that. I do not fear death, I just want to delay it as long as possible.

– Bill Howdle

What’s it like to get shot and knock on death’s door?

I don’t know what death feels like, but I do know what dying feels like.

A year and a half ago, I was shot point blank in the chest with a 9mm. I didn’t feel it, but the bullet severed my subclavian artery. I was losing blood quickly and I collapsed. And let me tell you, to lie there and bleed out would have been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Instead I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done; I crawled out of the house and into the street, where a neighbor saw me and called an ambulance.

I moved back to my porch and sat down on the steps, pressing on the wound as hard as I could… But I was losing my strength at a terrifying rate. I could hear my neighbor in the background saying to 911 dispatch, “y’all need to hurry up, this boy is bleeding.” I’ll never forget the emphasis she put on that last word. I was in my boxers only, and the blood soaking me from neck to toe was far from inconspicuous.

As I was sitting there on my steps, I began to feel everything shut down. Calm overcame chaos. My pineal gland was dripping. I felt instinct, fear, and everything I had known in my worldly existence slowly drift away. I felt no pain throughout this entire ordeal (that didn’t come until the next day, chronic nerve pain that has been with me ever since, as the bullet also did severe damage to my brachial plexus). My vision began to blacken around the edges. Looking back I know I was dying, but I didn’t know it at the time. I stopped caring, which is the scariest part. For a brief moment, it was almost peaceful. When my vision began to fade, I left my body. My body was sitting on the steps, but my mind had left. In my reality, I was sitting directly over my body, upside down on the ceiling, still facing out towards the street. The ambulance rounded the corner as I had about a foot diameter of light remaining in my line of sight, the rest was black. They say don’t go into the light, but that’s asinine. The light is all that’s left of the world as you know it.

The paramedics came at me like a nascar pit crew. Trying to replenish my blood, and I can only imagine what else. I believe they put 5 pints of blood in me on the short ride to the hospital. I asked them if they had me, if I was safe, and they said “NO.” They had me answer questions over and over about my name and address and whatnot… just to keep me alive. This continued into the OR, I wanted to sleep so badly but they wouldn’t let me. Thank fucking god. I also wanted water very badly (you don’t know thirst until you’ve had half your blood drained), but they would not let me drink as it would interfere with the operation. They put in a stent and it didn’t cover it, so they ran another. The head of vascular surgery (who is my vascular surgeon now) was there that night, and when the operating surgeon was about to give up on the second stent and amputate my arm, his boss made him keep going, so I was fortunate enough to keep my arm. It took a lot of rehabilitation to get function back, and my hand still doesn’t work.

However, I beat death that day. And the world has shone with a touch more beauty ever since.

What’s it like to be asexual?

To be honest, it feels completely normal. I can’t imagine being any other way, therefore I can’t say definitively how it is so different from not being asexual. Not to say that I haven’t perceived some differences while growing up.

While in school, most notably middle school, when relationships were becoming more and more of interest with my peers, I always wondered what the point was. Because I felt no internal stirrings of being physically interested in anyone I misguidedly perceived that everyone else was feeling nothing, which lead me to wonder “Why”. It was hard for me to think of an end game.

Eventually, I realized that they were feeling sexual attraction which made sense to me, but oddly enough I never actually wondered why I wasn’t feeling it as well. My first question was answered and my quandaries kind of stopped at that point. I started reading more about sexuality and books with relationships, alright I admit it, with romances in them, and piece by piece I felt more and more clued into what I couldn’t directly experience. For the most part I supplemented my understanding of sexuality and relationships with various forms of media, and yeah that includes porn. Really who hasn’t seen it?

When I found out about someone having a crush on me I felt absolutely nothing. Most of the time I wondered why they felt I needed to know that bit of information since I couldn’t conceive anything resulting from that piece of knowledge. Whenever there was situation where it was an opportunity to think about myself in a relationship or in a situation where I was a participant in intimate activities, my mind just came up blank. Conceiving of other people in those situations, no problem. That is easy to imagine but myself, I couldn’t think of anything even if I tried.

So,slowly and surely I began to wonder why I hadn’t felt anything yet, or even imagined anything like that for myself. I eventually confided in a gay friend pondering that I might be gay since I couldn’t feel anything for guys, despite the fact that I also felt nothing for girls. But at that point, I like many people mistook thinking that being gay is at least an absence of feeling attraction for the opposite gender. But telling that friend was a big mistake since I believe he immediately told people that I was gay. Not that it changed anything, my high school was extremely tolerant. Our homecoming king was openly gay for god’s sake. So after that I stopped wondering if I was gay or not since I did realize that I also felt nothing for females.

Then I entered into the mindset that it will happen when it happens. Maybe from some of my mom’s trashy romance novels (Note the two adjectives: trashy and romance. I am not saying that all romance novels are trashy), I got the idea that my sexuality will one day be unlocked by some guy that comes along, or girl (I was still open to finding out that I was gay all along). That people only feel their sexuality as a response to other people rather than it being internally fueled. It kind of went against what I had learned but it was the best idea I could apply myself since otherwise I had no answers about myself. It was a stand in answer so that I didn’t have to many questions about myself.

Eventually I met a guy who was classically attractive, was interested in me and I found a bit interesting. Mostly, I was curious about dating. I couldn’t pick for myself so I let someone pick me. I was kind of shocked with the intensity this guy courted me. Never to the point that I felt in danger but just that I was surprised at the first hand experience of such intense attraction, or really any attraction to me. Eventually he asked if I was a virgin, and then when he found out that I was one he asked why. And still I couldn’t really give an answer. I didn’t have religious reasons, and after high school I had realized that I never had a crush either. I knew I wasn’t a prude. I just never felt like that towards anyone. Eventually I broke it off because I couldn’t really understand his quickly escalating feelings nor reciprocate them.

Eventually I got into a relationship, my longest with a guy who I actually liked, he wasn’t what I found aesthetically pleasing but he was intellectually stimulating. At first I just assumed that he was like me not as inclined to physical contact. When I was with him I never thought about kissing or any other intimate contact, which is why after three months of dating he just kissed me right after seeing a movie, I was surprised. But I didn’t feel anything really. And then again I questioned why I wasn’t feeling anything. I would try to give myself goals, to do things that I thought where just done in relationships. Like “Next time we go to the movies, lets make out.” But in terms of physical activities such as that in the moment I would never be able to think of it. It was like as soon as a person comes into the room it was nearly impossible for me to even think about sex.

But just because I had a hard time just thinking about sex or physical contact at certain moments, didn’t mean that someone else wasn’t thinking of it. Eventually started inquiring about more contact, eventually asked me point blank if I was a lesbian since I turned down all of his advances. Then I got into the mindset that I just needed to start doing it and then I would like, despite the fact that I knew sexuality didn’t work that way. But in the reality of no answer, I just defaulted on the same tired old explanations of female sexuality, which are flat out wrong. I started lying that “sure yeah” I liked this or that, just to get him to move on to the next thing or to just get it over with. But each time my hope that it would get better, was diminishing every time I did anything with him.

Activities with him became a bit stressful. I would be careful try to not use any sexual jokes, innuendos or wear anything that would remind him that he liked to touch my body. And I never knew when he would request contact. Some times it would be a great time with him, making fun of bad movies, cracking jokes at the expense of old co-workers, playing card games, and talking about our days. I would always breath a sigh of relief when he didn’t request contact on those days. But when he did request contact I froze and would request time to mentally prepare which was me sitting in the bathroom alone. 

But then he started to become more morose and moody. He didn’t want to communicate with me what was wrong, and I was honestly so clueless about the fact that lack of sexual contact was really that distressing to most people. Also it was the obvious fact that his girlfriend clearly didn’t find him sexually attractive and visibly was distressed at the idea of sexual contact with him. He felt unloved and unwanted, he knew that I cared for him but still he couldn’t change the fact that my lack of reaction to him deeply effected him. He did try. He always asked me what I would like or want. That he was open to ideas for us to try, but at those times I always drew a blank.

I honestly felt like there was something wrong with me. I looked online for some type of female arousal medication, something that would make me want sex or any type of contact, but I didn’t find much. Compromise in this relationship didn’t feel like much of a compromise. I didn’t want to have sex or any touching, while he did.

Long story short, I was watching a show on the LGBT channel LOGO called 1 Girl 5 Gays (1G5G) and the host asked the question, “Do you think asexuality is real?” and I don’t know why I perked up at that question since how the question was answered it didn’t even explain what it was. So I looked it up, and felt so much relief that I could actually put a name to what I was feeling.

And long long story short. You know what happened we eventually broke up since building feelings of resentment and bitterness were starting to ruin genuine good memories I spent with person. We are still friends. I still use his Netflix and he can use my HBO GO account. That type of thing. We still talk, but now it is such a relief that I no longer have to be ever anxious to perform things I honestly could not keep doing any longer.

And long long long story short. Something happened that I never thought would. I actually met face to face another asexual, and not putting names to anything, but now having a close friendship with someone without the worry of having to deal with sexual attraction or sexual needs is so incredibly freeing. In this relationship I haven’t felt so relaxed before, I was beginning to think that it was somewhat impossible for me.

So now I hang out with a person in which I just feel totally normal. Other people looking into our relationship probably think it is a “normal” relationship that includes sex, we are well aware of this and we laugh it off. For the first time I am really optimistic about relationships.

So yeah, being asexual, it feels normal but you are aware that others are humming to a tune you can’t quite hear but you can hear everyone else humming. And people are expecting you to dance to this tune, and dance partners are frustrated that you can’t find the beat and/or that you don’t feel the need to dance. If you don’t know you are asexual, relationships can be difficult, confusing, and a bit painful. But once you know your orientation, things get much easier when you have to communicate what you can and can’t do in a relationship. The big thing is knowing yourself and not letting anyone else dictate to you what you are and what you really want and need.

– Chloe Shani Malveaux

How do you spot a pyramid scheme recruiter?

— Did a friend, family member, classmate, co-worker, acquaintance, nice guy from the gym, customer or total stranger ask you out to coffee in order to discuss a *unique business opportunity*? Is it a time sensitive offer? Is the opportunity only open to a select number of investors? It’s probably a pyramid scheme.

— Or, they might ask you if you ever wanted to own your own business. Or what you would do if you didn’t have to worry about money. If you’d like to retire by the time you’re XX years old… because they just so happen to know someone who actually *DID* retire young and is now sitting on their ass rolling in “passive/residual income”!

— The most dedicated of pyramid scheme recruiters are typically well dressed and well groomed. We’re talking flashy business suits and wing tips for men, and cocktail dresses and heels for women. You’d think they were hitting an upscale lounge for a New Year’s Eve party or something. **THEY ARE TRYING TO CONVEY SUCCESS.** Of course, you’ll also get some that are dressed in smart/business casual. You’ll easily recognize a pyramid scheme recruiter when you see them, because they look completely out of place at Starbucks.

— If you do go for coffee with them, try to make them pay for your coffee. They won’t, but force the issue (“C’mon, *you’re* the one who wanted me to meet with you!”) and watch them try and weasel their way out of it. They probably have a half dozen meetings lined up for the day, so they can’t afford to pay for so many expensive venti lattes. Or, they might pay because they want to keep you happy and more receptive to their scam.

— The recruiters will often “work” in pairs, as a married/engaged/dating couple. This helps make them appear more trustworthy to you. They’ll want you to bring your significant other along to the meeting if you’ve got one. They act VERY, VERY nice and charming and seem like they really want to get to know you and be friends. They’ll pay you inane compliments, like how you seem to them like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and you’re smart and shit. When you arrive for your meeting with them, they’ll greet you with a hug; and another one at the end of the meeting before you leave. It’s a cheap way for them to further build rapport with you. A hug conveys a higher level of personal intimacy and friendship than a mere handshake.

— They will say that they work as mentors, life coaches, entrepreneurs, or business owners. They initially won’t be very specific as to what type of business they run. They will dodge any probing questions you might have.

— They’ll tell you all about *their* mentors and life coaches, about how successful they are in life (“My mentor owns the most expensive apartment in Seattle!” — an actual quote I heard) and how grateful they are to have been taken under their wings.

— In their first meeting with you, they WILL NOT discuss business. Instead, they will tell you all about themselves — where they grew up, things that they’ve done, and how they’ve become the shining beacon of success sitting before you today. Then, they will try to get to know you and “evaluate” if you’re a good fit for the business — this is pure bullshit, but it makes you believe you have a chance of being qualified enough to join their exclusive club. They are propping up your ego and trying to make you feel special.

— They won’t tell you *how* they make money. They will never outright say the names of the companies they work for, because they know the negative connotations associated with Amway/World Wide Dream Builders, ACN, World Financial Group, Primerica, Mary Kay, Herbalife, Vector Marketing, etc. They want to get you curious and hooked first.

— They will ask if you’ve ever read any of Robert Kiyosaki’s books –[ *RICH DAD POOR DAD*] [*THE BUSINESS OF THE 21ST CENTURY*] These books have dark purple covers and are easily recognizable. Another book that’s gaining popularity is [*THE GO-GIVER*]. In general, be weary of any self-help/financial advice book they try to assign you as homework to read. Reading one single book ≠ a business degree.

— They may try to wow you and tell you about all the conventions they get to fly out to and attend in pseudo-exotic locations… like say, St. Louis! WOW, indeed!

— Do you work a crappy retail job? Are you a server at a restaurant? Are you university-aged (20’s)? Are you in debt? Pyramid scheme recruiters know you’re unsatisfied with your minimum wage job/life (especially in *this* economy!) and try to exploit your burning desire to “get ahead in life” by acting as a life line.

— Most recruiters are *usually* Caucasian and in their 20’s or 30’s. I’ve seen them begin to target immigrants from the Philippines  and the Afro-Caribbean islands, who presumably have no reason to believe that the well dressed, rich-looking white person offering to share the secrets of wealth with them is actually trying to scam them.

— “It’s not a pyramid scheme!” Instead, they’ll call it multi level marketing (MLM), network marketing, direct selling, referral marketing, etc. They’ll resort to saying all the bad things you’ve read online/heard about Amway are rumors and lies, or were from bitter people who didn’t have what it took to make it in the business.

— They will usually have their coffee shop meetings on weekends and after dinner (~7 PM) on weekdays. That’s because they have day jobs (like pretty much everyone else.) The ironic thing is they won’t hesitate to talk shit about day jobs and how MLM will supposedly free you from the shackles of the 9-5 grind.

— That one friend you have on social media who only ever seems to post motivational quotes and status updates about how hard they’re “killing it”? Odds are pretty decent that they’re involved in a pyramid scheme. Motivational quotes are like scripture to pyramid scheme recruiters.

— When in doubt, use Google and common sense. If someone knew the secrets to financial success, why would they ever share that knowledge with pretty much anyone who crosses their path? Why are they doing YOU such a huge favor? Why is this sharkskin suited yuppie conducting high powered business meetings at the Second Cup if he’s already got it allllllllll figured out? Why won’t he pay for your coffee? Do not for a second believe when they say they want to “pay it forward” or “give back”. Nobody ever offers something in exchange for nothing. Be vigilant and skeptical.

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by Richard Power

Which martial art is the best for street self defense? This question has been around since the beginning of time and is always highly debated.

Every martial art has something to offer but no martial art can stand on its own. Maybe an Aikido move will work against a drunk, untrained jerk at a bar but it won’t work against an 240lb athletic linebacker-esque attacker, generally speaking.

The main problem in a lot of traditional and exotic martial arts is that they don’t practice against real resistance but claim their techniques will work during a real life scenario. It makes little sense logically. If one never practices against real resistance, how do you know it works against real resistance?

Ultimately, it’s about the practitioner, not the actual art itself. However, if you’ve been practicing a particular ineffective art for long enough, those moves become automatic. And if the automatic moves are not effective, you’re gonna have a bad time in a real self-defense situation.

Let’s take a look at 10 martial arts that would probably get you killed in a real life self defense situation.

Aikido

Yes. It looks awesome! But … Regardless of what your Uncle Bob told you about the time he disarmed 3 guys in a bar with Aikido, you’re better off grabbing a beer bottle off a table and using it to defend yourself. It will be just like in a Steven Seagal movie, except you’ll probably win, unless of course, it’s Steven Seagal himself! Grab my wrist. No, the other wrist.

Systema

If you’re not familiar with the style, it’s basically Russian Krav Maga with some George Dillman/Yellow Bamboo-esque no touch KO nonsense thrown in.

This Russian-born fighting method has generated discussions and heated arguments in the modern combatives/martial disciplines realm at levels rarely experienced by other methodologies. It is often ridiculed and summarily dismissed by self-proclaimed “reality-based combatives” experts and adherents.

Baguazhang

Just like any classical martial art. Like swimming on dry land. If someone’s primary goal is self-defense, take a modern combat style, not Baguazhang.

Surely if bagua is effective in a real life self defense situation there should be video of it being used someplace, right? Sorry, I couldn’t find any. But I found these cool pics instead.

Combat Tai Chi

The idea here is that a practitioner utilizes their body’s own dynamic resistance, going through a snail’s pace series of katas to prepare themselves for a real-time confrontation. The problem is, since they have no real-time experience, they can easily be overcome with, you know, actual resistance.

Tai chi advocates will say they employ their opponents’ energy against them with little effort – the classic McDojo defense – without ever acknowledging that they have no idea how to implement that when being attacked by someone both violent and prepared.

Kyusho jitsu

Every time this “Martial Art” style is tested outside of an instructor’s own dojo with anyone who is not a student of the style, the result is always the same. Nothing happens. These masters fail time and time again to apply this is reality. Essentially this is because the whole system is based on suggestion, meaning that if someone believes it to work, then they will be susceptible to it. It´s unlikely that Jedi mind trick powers work in real life

Dim Mak

Dim mak (death touch) is an ancient martial art that consists of striking certain points on the body to cause illness or death. The points are usually called dim mak points, but they are also referred to as vital points and pressure points.

The ability to disable, paralyze, kill, or render a person unconscious with touches or a series of touches to special nerve points on the body, often referred to as acupuncture or acupressure points, is completely fictitious. Nerves do not serve this function. As has been proven time and time again in clinical trials, acupuncture using traditional acupuncture points produces results no better than random points on the body.

By any reasonable analysis, this means acupuncture points, as they are traditionally defined, do not exist. There is nothing special or unusual about the nerves or other anatomical features at so-called acupuncture points, and no clinical effect can be demonstrated by using them. Thus, by extension, any martial arts attack that claims acupuncture points as its foundation is based on a false premise.

Yellow Bamboo

This is a Balinese martial art that uses psychic energy. This style is kind of like a worse version of Dillman’s system. At least pressure point fighting involves some degree of physical contact sometimes. In Yellow Bamboo, they literally think they’re sorcerers. If there are any filmmakers reading this, I’d highly recommend profiling a Yellow Bamboo club in a documentary about self-deception. That would be legitimately fascinating.

Empty Force

Wikipedia defines the martial arts technique of Empty Force as “the expression of force without making physical contact.” Basically, empty force works brilliantly as a method of self defense, as long as your attackers believe in it too. Otherwise, you’re in trouble.

EFO’ers advertise that there’s zero technique involved and that you can skip classes without missing out on learning:

“With Efo, there are no specific forms or techniques and each trainee applies it the way it best fits oneself. In Efo there are no “courses” that would start and end somewhere. Instead, the fundamental principles (relaxation, mind and breathing) are exercised during every session. Thus, anyone can join and train any time. And if you can’t join each and every session, you won’t miss anything irreplaceable.”

Judging from the video, the Efo website is telling the truth; you won’t miss a damn thing from ditching this guy’s classes. Wtf?

The post 8 Martial Arts That Will Get You Killed In Real Life appeared first on Caveman Circus.

Casually Explained: Is She Into You?

Inside The Prison Cell Of Brazilian Drug Lord “Jarvis Chimenes Pavao” Luxury is not the word

Tacumbu prison in Paraguay is regarded as one of the most crowded prisons in the country, however one prisoner, drug lord Jarvis Chimenes Pavao, was found to be living a life of luxury with a three-room apartment that featured a plasma television, DVD library and a fully stocked kitchen. Police reportedly stumbled upon the situation after learning that Pavao was planning to escape by using explosives to blow a hole in one of the prison walls. Prison officials now claim the inside of the cell has been destroyed. Pavao is considered one of South America’s most notorious drug traffickers and is currently serving eight years in Tacumbu prison for money laundering. Posted By Persist

Oh no

When you trying to make a slow motion video and you see a wasp

Man Catcalls Women During Anti-Catcalling Report

Dude Walks His Girl Around The Grocery Store On A Leash And Wearing A Dog Muzzle!

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5 Things I Wish You Knew Before Euthanizing Your Dog – Pup Journal

Sara Underwood Channels Margot Robbie’s ‘Big Short’ Bathtub Scene As She Breaks Down Penny Stocks Naked – Maxim

Here’s What We Know About Trump’s Nominee To Replace James Comey As FBI Director – Elite Daily

Couple Spends 26 Years Replanting A Rainforest They Bought In 1991, And Here’s How It Looks Today – Leenks

Iggy Azalea’s Birthday Bikini Photos in Los Cabos – G-Celeb

14 Serial Killers Who Had Terrifying Calling Cards – Ranker

Every successful relationship is successful for the same exact reasons – Quartz

Transgender Sprinter Wins Two Women’s State Championships  – Trending Views

19 simple social skills that will make you more likable – Business Insider

Chase Kennedy Is A Model With The Longest Legs In America – Mandatory

Hump Day is a Happy Day! (42 Photos) – Radass

A teenager charged with using text messages to encourage her boyfriend to kill himself – Rare

HIV Rate Could Hit 50% for Gay and Bisexual Black Men in US – Newser

Want to Raise Successful Kids? Science Says Read to Them Like This (But Most Parents Don’t) – INC

The 8 Biggest Announcments From Apple’s WWDC 2017 – The Verge

How to Make Yourself Work When You Just Don’t Want To – HBR

Beer with an Entrepreneur #3: Making Millions on E-commerce site which pulls in $100M in annual revenue.- Man Of Many

Selena Gomez Out in a See-Through Dress – G-Celeb

Katrina Bowden In A Little Bikini – Hollywood Tuna

The 50 Greatest Sports Movies – Gunaxin

65 Rich Kids That Will Make You Hope They Get Hit By A Lambo – Runt Of The Web

How to choose the best cut of steak by Anthony Bourdain – YouTube

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Instagram

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Total Recall – Human Shield

Scary Movie 2 – Demonic Sh*t

Desperado – Joke

Boogie Nights – Donuts

The Shining – Delbert Grady

Good Will Hunting – Job Interview

Django Unchained – Steven

Scarface – Hotel Shootout 

Goodfellas – Shinebox

True Romance – Sicilian

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The most precious thing we have in our life is our dreams. Your dreams are unique to you, and no one has a dream that is exactly like yours in every way. Everything you think you have you don’t, nothing will last forever.

Your life can be summed up with two words: “Your Dream.” When all is said and done, whether you did or didn’t achieve your dream is the only measure of success there is.

Every component of your life and everything you think about is indirectly related to your dream, so you better be damn sure you get some clarity on exactly what that dream is!

When you step on stage to sing or go to the gym to work on your fitness goal, you have to give every ounce of emotion and energy that you have. You have to picture in your mind every time that this is your last day on Earth and that it’s now or never to achieve your goal, and feel great in the moment about it.

The journey of your dream is really just the journey of your life. It’s going to be the hardest thing you ever try and achieve, and there are going to be times where it seems like your dream is not meant for you, and it’s all too hard.

If your life dream were easy, then we all would have achieved our ultimate purpose, and we would all be flocking to Hawaii to relax on the beach. To give up on your dream is to give up on life. To give up on life is to defy the reason you were given the opportunity to live in the first place.

Until you place your dream as the single most important thing in your life, you will always be wondering why you are unhappy and disappointed with your life.

Below are the six things you can expect when you chase your dreams:

Check out the rest of the article at The Mission

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Billy Joel never sells front row seats in order to see the real fans right in front of him. He gives them away to random people in the cheap seats so that front row isn’t always just wealthy people. 

We never sell front rows, we hold those tickets at just about every concert. For years, the scalpers got the tickets and would scalp the front row for ridiculous amounts of money. Our tickets are cheap, under $100, some in the $80s, the highest is about $150. I’d look down and see rich people sitting there, I call ’em “gold chainers.” Sitting there puffing on a cigar, “entertain me, piano man.” They don’t stand up, make noise, sit there with their bouffant haired girlfriend lookin’ like a big shot. I kinda got sick of that, who the hell are these people, where are the real fans? It turns out the real fans were always in the back of the room in the worst seats. We now hold those tickets, and I send my road crew out to the back of the room when the audience comes in and they get people from the worst seats and bring ’em in to the front rows. This way you’ve got people in the front row that are really happy to be there, real fans.

For those who jumped from the WTC on 9/11/2001, the fall lasted 10 seconds. They struck the ground at just under 150 MPH — not fast enough to lose consciousness while falling, but fast enough to ensure instant death on impact. The deaths of those who jumped were ruled homicide, not suicide (article)

The sight of people jumping saved lives, too. In the south tower, people had a close-up view of people plunging to their deaths from a building that was a mirror image of their own. “I looked at a couple of people jumping, and that was it. I’d seen enough. I said, ‘We’ve got to get the hell out of here,’ ” says Jaede Barg, who worked for Aon on the south tower’s 100th floor.

Many south tower survivors say the sight of people jumping created an urgency that caused them to leave immediately and ignore announcements that it was safe to return to their desks. About 1,400 people evacuated the upper floors before the second jet hit.

Tigers can, and will, take revenge on those who have wronged them. They are one of the most vengeful animals on the planet.

Firefighters have emergency fire shelters they can use as a last resort. They are made of aluminum foil and silica that can allow them to withstand heat up to 500 degrees Fahrenheit

Casu marzu, a Sardinian cheese, contains live maggots which can jump up to six inches. Squeamish consumers sometimes put the cheese in a sealed bag. Starved for oxygen, the maggots jump around creating “pitter-patter” sounds; once the sounds stop, the maggots are dead and the cheese is eaten.

Hajimi Fuji, who volunteered for the kamikaze but was refused acceptance because he had a wife and two young children. To honour his wish his wife drowned her two young girls and drowned herself. Hajimi then flew as a kamikaze pilot, meeting his death on the 28th May 1945. (article)

Freddie Mercury had a throat infection at the time of Live Aid and was advised by his doctors to not risk performing at the festival. He defied their orders, and Queen’s set went down in history as one of the best performances of all time

In 1998 Bill O’Reilly wrote a novel about a tall, bitter, sexually predatory newsman who gets forced out of his job and starts murdering former colleagues who helped to ruin his career.

The antagonist is a tall, “no-nonsense” television journalist named Shannon Michaels, described as the product of two Celtic parents, who is pushed out by Global News Network, and systematically murders the people who ruined his career.

Meanwhile, the protagonist, a “straight-talking” Irish-American New York City homicide detective named Tommy O’Malley, is charged with solving the murders that Michaels has committed, while competing with Michaels for the heart of Ashley Van Buren, a blond, sexy aristocrat turned crime columnist. Some reviewers have said that Michaels and O’Malley are “thinly veiled versions” of O’Reilly.

Michaels’ first victim is a news correspondent who stole his story in Argentina, and got him into trouble with the network. He then stalks the woman who forced his resignation from the network and throws her off a balcony. After that he murders a television research consultant who had advised the local station to dismiss him by burying him in beach sand up to his neck and letting him slowly drown. Finally, during a break in the Radio and Television News Directors Association convention, he slits the throat of the station manager. After this, he is pursued by O’Malley and Van Buren, where he attempts to lose them by crossing a runway in front of a speeding jet. Although he makes it, his car’s right back tire is cut by the jet’s wing, causing the car to spin, flip over, and be subsequently melted by the exhaust from the jet, which explodes. Michaels dies in extreme agony, as his contacts (used to hide his identity) burn into his eyes and a chunk of the car crushes his head in.

During the Holocaust, Polish doctors Eugene Lazowski and Stanisław Matulewicz saved 8,000 Jews by creating a fake Typhus epidemic. The Germans quarantined the area instead of risking outbreaks by sending them to concentration camps

After the doctors discovered that by injecting a healthy person with a “vaccine” of dead bacteria, that person would test positive for epidemic typhus without experiencing the symptoms, the two doctors hatched a secret plan to save about a dozen villages from not only forced labor exploitation, but also Nazi extermination.

Germans were terrified of the disease because it was highly contagious. Those infected with typhus were not sent to Nazi concentration camps. Instead, when a sufficient number of people were infected, the Germans would quarantine the entire area. However, the Germans would not enter the zone, fearing the disease would spread to them also.

In this way, while Dr. Lazowski and Dr. Matulewicz did not hide Jewish families, they were able to spare 8,000 people from 12 ghettos from summary executions and inevitable deportations to concentration camps. Jews who tested positive for typhus were summarily massacred by the Nazis, so doctors injected the non-Jewish population in neighborhoods surrounding the ghettos, knowing that a possibility of widespread outbreak inside would cause Germans to abandon the area and thus spare local Jews in the process.

The only reason a Scottish bagpiper wasn’t shot by German snipers on D-Day was that they believed he had gone crazy

Pipers had traditionally been used in battle by Scottish and Irish soldiers. However, the use of bagpipes was restricted to rear areas by the time of the Second World War by the British Army. Lovat, nevertheless, ignored these orders and ordered Millin, then aged 21, to play. When Private Millin demurred, citing the regulations, he recalled later, Lord Lovat replied: “Ah, but that’s the English War Office. You and I are both Scottish, and that doesn’t apply.”

When Stalin’s first son was captured, Hitler offered to trade him for Friedrich Paulus, a field marshal who led the 6th army into Stalingrad. When Stalin heard of this, he allegedly said, “I will not trade a Marshal for a Lieutenant.” 

The refusal to swap Yakov has been treated as evidence of Stalin’s loveless cruelty but this is unfair. Stalin was a mass murderer but in this case, it is hard to imagine that either Churchill or Roosevelt could have swapped their sons if they had been captured—when thousands of ordinary men were being killed or captured. After the war, a Georgian confidant plucked up the courage to ask Stalin if the Paulus offer was a myth. He “hung his head,” answering “in a sad, piercing voice”: “Not a myth . . . Just think how many sons ended in camps! Who would swap them for Paulus? Were they worse than Yakov? I had to refuse . . . What would they have said of me, our millions of Party fathers, if having forgotten about them, I had agreed to swapping Yakov? No, I had no right . . .”

Then he again showed the struggle between the nervy, angry, tormented man within and the persona he had become: “Otherwise, I’d no longer be ‘Stalin.’ ”

He added: “I so pitied Yasha!”

In the 13th century, Genghis Khan proposed “friendship and peace” with the fellow nomadic Khwarezmian Empire in Persia. The Khwarezmia shah ordered a Mongol trade delegation killed, prompting Khan to invade the empire, kill 1.25 million, and destroy the Khwarezmian Empire. 

There was a Jewish boxer named Salamo Arouch imprisoned at Auschwitz. He was forced to fight fellow prisoners. The losers were sent to the gas chambers or shot. He survived more than 2 years and 200 fights, eventually being released when the camp was liberated. (article)

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1. The other side was like a rollercoaster ride. I had no choice but to sit back and be carried away as things unfolded in front of me. I — or, my essence, my consciousness — was just floating in space, detached from existence, not fighting anything, not trying to direct anything. It was like I was being given a spiritual tour of this parallel world. 

The first thing that I remember is the imagery. The infinitely intricate, breathtakingly complex geometric images that I saw were indescribably beautiful. One pattern after another, in split seconds, unfolded. Dozens of them. They unfolded or melted away as quickly as they appeared. Glowing rainbow colors — everything had an aura. It turned blue, green, yellow, hot pink, light orange — unfathomably beautiful. And they kept coming and coming and coming — It is simply astonishing that the mind is capable of such things. 

Then, it’s like I’m in space — pitch-black darkness, but with hundreds of glowing, rainbow stars in the background, shining beautifully. And I go past these holographic, glowing blue floors — and then I saw — them. They could be described as aliens or elves — aliens, since I had the feeling of being in outer space; elves, because of their elongated ears. They were very thin, but not emaciated — everything was proportional. Their bodies were comprised of triangular shapes, and were glowing blue, too, although they also had an aura. 

I saw several of them, though I remember certain images most vividly. I saw a family of three — a mother, a father, and a young boy. She was pouring the boy cereal at the table as the father was at the stove, attending to something, talking to a client on the phone. I also saw two young women having coffee on a breezy weekday afternoon. I vaguely remember a man showing himself to me, as if he were about to go to work. But I didn’t interact with them; they said nothing to me — it was just this sense that this was their world, and, while things looked mundane, their lives were peaceful and didn’t need any interference. I just had to keep going; my ride was taking me elsewhere. It was all happening so frustratingly quickly. 

As I felt myself coming down and my consciousness restored, the images kept coming at me at a million miles a minute — images that implicitly conveyed information, mostly evoking feelings of childhood and daily life, although they felt like so much more. Things were just coming and going at lightning speed — there was hardly time to process any of it. It was simply an incomparable show, like a kaleidoscope of dream images, beautiful geometric shapes, and images that so perfectly conveyed particular feelings. 

When I came to, all I could do for three minutes was pound the ground relentlessly, repeating variations of ‘Holy shit!’ and ‘What the fuck?!’ — It was just pure astonishment, just utter disbelief at what I’d just experienced. I still felt ‘in the experience’ for another five minutes or so, — my body was shaking, I was breathing heavily, and I was still able to feel out-of-body when I closed my eyes. 

2. “I cannot recall the transition to the void. There were no colors or visions, in the traditional sense. I realized immediately that I had actually poisoned myself, and this was not a DMT trip at all, this was death.

“This period of time is impossible to relate. Try to understand that there was no sensation of time at all. Nothing was linear, and my ideas seemed to come to me at impossible intervals. My brain had been killed, I could tell, because I could not think. I could only sense the overwhelming loneliness and shame. I had actually believed at some point, somewhere, that I was alive, but this was not possible, because I was a scrap of discarded thought, not worthy of keeping. It was a foregone conclusion that I would destroy myself. This seemed to be forever.

“There appeared in the vastness a tiny point of light. I remember realizing that I had not died at all, but that I had been dead. Then, not dead, but dormant. Dormant. I was about to be born.”

3. “I couldn’t believe the breakneck speed with which I was beginning to move, like a proton in a hyper spatial supercollider. The breathtakingly ecstatic sensation of being literally shot out of the confines of my corporeal body was overwhelming, and already my mind was grasping wildly about for some semblance of familiarity. No previous DMT journey had ever moved this fast…

“ Ahead was an entirely ludicrous, tensile, concentric, mandala-like disco-medusa that wore about it a technicolor dream coat of fibrillating antennae, surrounded by an ultraviolet aura. Instantly I could tell it was alive: some sort of a sentinel. Then seemingly out of nowhere and from every direction at once came these freakish tentacles of liquid lapis lazuli. They began moving together with an almost orchestral hyper precision, and I was completely mesmerized  — it was like nothing I had ever seen…

“The presence of what is awesome, what is wildly and passionately and luminously alive, filled every meridian in the vast continent of my expanded being, an intensity of joy and love and life coursing like heavenly ambrosia through my electrified veins. It was as though I myself was God, moving through liquid ecologies of God, the self-crystallizing emerald labyrinths of the tryptamine dream time, a marvelous infundibulum of plasmodial calisthenics. What occurred was a total meltdown of everything I know and hold dear. [It was an] utter surrender into the honeycomb love womb of the universe reborn, born anew in a thousand unendingly magnificent eyes, and Maya and Lila handheld spinning in sundream dandelions, my five senses spinning like a zillion gyroscopes round the centripetal amethyst of this all and everything.”

4. “I was transported to that extremely alien-like realm that I had been to so many times before. I felt like I was being schooled on existence. A teacher entity that seemed to have some sort of almost condescending power over me was trying to convince me that ‘they’ constructed our reality completely, and tried to get me to agree that this reality was not under our control; it was being constructed and predetermined by an outside force completely. Even though I had lost complete touch with reality, I did not listen blindly. I was skeptical. ([It was] not that I disbelieved it, but I didn’t believe it either… I always like to keep an open mind when it comes to these sorts of existential matters). The entity was so persistent about trying to convince me! I remained neutral on the matter, but courteous and attentive all the same…

“I don’t know where I was, but I was confronted by a mother entity. She was shapeless; dripping, melting, ugly, terrifying, disgusting, and even smelled bad. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but next thing I knew, she was engaging me in psychic conversation. She had a wallet of some sort, and began showing me photographs of her son. I could tell that she loved her son very much. She also had a bunch of his artwork that she was obviously proud of, and began showing it to me. The problem was, her son and all of his artwork were also melting, grotesque and disgusting. I could still feel her genuine love for her son and pride in his artwork, but at the same time, no matter how hard I tried to show her love, I couldn’t hide the fact that I felt grossed out by her and the entire situation. I could tell that she could tell that I was feeling uncomfortable…

“When I came down from this trip, I found myself feeling guilty for not being able to feel/give the love that I felt that I should have given her. So I had another hit of DMT and tried to meditate on the experience and its meaning. I tried to send out my purest, most intended form of love to her and every other entity under this umbrella called consciousness. I even tried to psychically apologize to her for my reaction to her. I felt a little bit better after that, like I had resolved something.”

. 

5. I was given the pipe and took the largest hit I could. After blowing out the smoke I immediately took a second, very large hit and instantly handed my friend the pipe. As soon as I blew the second hit out a familiar feeling came over me. It was very much like the peak of inhaling N2O. It lasted just enough time for me to think that this is not very impressive (about 30 seconds into trip). The next sensation was a feeling of separation from my body and the feeling I could not breath (45 seconds into trip). I had expected these feelings from my studies so I just relaxed and waited for the next stage of this experiment. No study, no book, no letter and no conversation could have explained to me or prepared me for what was yet to come. 

I started to think to myself ‘remember to breath, stay calm, you will be back’. Before I finished that thought I was met by a multitude of sounds (At this point track of time was lost) It was music-like but it was not music. It was the typical cracking and popping I had read about but did never read that these sounds could be felt. I could feel them in every part of my body and that was when I realized I had no body, I was outside of my body. My soul had separated from the flesh and had transcended to another place I still did not yet understand. I then realized these sounds were not just random sounds but living entities. I did not question what these entities were or where they came from. I did not try to communicate with them for I had no need. They were there and the sound they made gave me more comfort and peace than I have ever felt on this plane of existence. I knew they had come to see me and to guide me to where I was going. We had known each other before and were with each other not to question what was happening or to communicate with each other but just to thrive from each other’s energy. I had a feeling of mutuality between us. They were all around me, inside me, over me and below me and the whole time nothing more than content, peaceful feelings were present. I thought this was all there was and I would be returning home soon. I had never been so wrong in my life. 

I think the sounds may have been beings sent to guide me to where I was being taken. I had a feeling of movement faster than anything I could have ever imagined. I felt a flood of energy and ultra high and low frequencies weighing on my body similar to a high G-force turn. While this was happening I felt as if I was being flooded with information. It was like other beings trying to communicate with me each one wanting my attention. It was coming too fast and it was the only time I had any sort of panic or fear, I thought or said slow down and was almost annoyed by the speed at which this was coming at me. As soon as I thought or said slow down everything stopped. I had no sensation of touch, smell or sight but was content with this feeling. I had no need for the physical sensations we need in this plane of existence. I was not hungry, cold, in pain, tired, etc… and had no wants or desires for anything, I was truly content and at peace with my surroundings. Once this contentment filled my soul and everything slowed down I heard a female voice as if it was being tuned in on a radio. I could not make out the words but I knew they were being said to me. I only made out 3 words clearly and they were all I was supposed to hear. The female voice said, “I love you”. In those three words I felt more secure, comforted and loved than I have ever felt anywhere, anytime in my life. As soon as I heard those three words I heard a male voice in the same “radio being tuned in” matter. I never did make out any of the words that were said to me but the message was loud and clear. The message I was being given was don’t worry, you are with me, you can and will get over anything, there is nothing you can not handle. Then, suddenly the voices were gone but the sound were still with and within me. I knew I had been given the gift I was pulled to that place for and I knew it was time for me to return to my body and my friends. I had a feeling of opening of a door and walking though it. Before I walked through the door I felt as if I turned and said thank you. The most honest, unconditional thank you I have ever said. 

6. Drifting deeply into the visual ebb and flow of the DMT I just walked through the thin fabric of the visual fractal fantasy. It was like a gauze layer of the dream just separated and boom .. it was like walking from a dark night into a brightly lit casino in Las Vegas. I felt like I had walked behind the scenes into a series of rooms. Everything was prime color cranked up to it s fullest potential. The images were clear, crisp and vivid. many times more vivid then the early pre-room images. 

There were two people a man and a women or a girl and a boy. They appeared to me like simple balloon computer generated images. As soon as I stepped in the room, they glided up to me and spoke directly to me. They kept saying welcome back and words like: the big winner, he has returned, welcome to the end and the beginning, you are The One! As I looked around the room I felt the sense of some huge celebration upon my entry to this place. Bells were ringing, lights flashing fear began to rise in me as I felt the deep change in my world. The sprites begin to lead me around the room showing me how all my life they had been preparing me for this return. I was shown dozen of experiences simultaneously in my life, that had lead up to and been clues to this moment. I was shown in a flood and a onslaught of images, thoughts, situations, raw feelings that everything had been building to this moment. That this moment had been planned. 

They told me it was a gift. That I had been selected to be The One. I felt feelings of huge relief, excitement and fear in the sprites. At this moment in the experience I became afraid for my life. I felt that this gift would cost me my life. I did not want to be The One. The sprits felt this fear in me and begin to hold my hands and arms rushing me deeper into their world. I felt their fear and I begin to believe that I had stepped out of the dream, out of the drug, out of my body and mind and into this super world. I begin to believe in the transformation. As I walked deeper I could see standing in the middle of the room, in the center of this place, an object similar to an hour glass. It was slowly turning over. I became aware that this vessel, as it tipped over, transferring its contents from the small red end to the larger blue end was transforming me. I felt my humanity slip out as I was filled with this new powerful light. A light of greater perception, of clarity. It felt like returning home. It felt familiar. It felt like I was waking up from a hollow, pale dream of reality. I felt god like and omnipotent. I realized the this gift was not only a gift but equally a death sentence for my physical body. I felt like I had been chosen to receive this not out of benevolence but out of a need to release this power and perception There had to be The One, to relieve the others. There had to be The One who perceived completely. I felt like Christ at the moment of realization of godhood and the inevitable moment of his crucifixion. I also felt like all this knowledge and perception was far too large to be processed by my physical mind and that death was the obvious transition. 

As this moment of realization hit me I felt the sprites smile and step back. They told me I WAS The One and this WAS real and that it would never end. 

They said do you not believe….. then see. 

At this moment I sat up (in the real world) and opened my eyes. This moment true panic set in. I was deeply hallucinating. The real world was being covered, transformed into a psychedelic kaleidoscope of energy. Every surface had something like movie film, one image after another lined up like film shown through an overhead projector. These were the prime images of our symbolic nature. Slowly rolling over every surface. like the sprites of the objects. I felt I was seeing time in a singularity. I felt like I was seeing the symbolic patters like a second perception of true meaning. In the real room there were two people sitting next to me. When I looked at them I felt reassured momentarily. Then they exploded into dozens of two dimensional layers of light. Looking like computer generated futurists paintings. Wafer thin halos created the shapes of my friends. Dave looked up at me and said Welcome Back causing me to panic. Because when he said welcome back I did not think it was back to reality but back into the fold of this super world I was in. Back as there chosen one or at least one amongst them. I perceived Dave and Poon as personal guides or Guardians or gatekeepers there to welcome me into this new exalted state. That moment striped me of my world, my truths leading me to believe that my hallucinations were truth. I once again had the crashing feeling of winning, of being chosen, and being forced to receive this unwanted sentence of total vision. I had this crash as I could see once again the cause and effect of my being there and the price I would have to pay. I was the Bean King and the price of my gift would be perceptual transcendence but physical death. 

At this time I felt a collapsing feeling as I gave in to the experience excepting my fate. I remember thinking that the hour glass had turned a little farther and I was pouring out of this life into my new one. I said out loud I am dying. Then I lost the support of my body, my self, my existence and I began to drift. 

Dave then touched my leg I remember being drawn back into my body and thinking to hell with this I am not going to die, not yet and I felt the sprites smiling around me looking at me. I felt the fear. I felt the exhilaration of my visions. I was back in the sprites room. Even though this place was vibrant and psychedelic it was within my ability to comprehend. The sprits began there pitch at me being a winner and The One. I felt they were taking me back down the hallway to open those iconic, electric vision and to my death. I then said out loud again I am dying to which Dave responded only three more minutes and you will be all right. 

Three more minutes.. Three more minutes was like a life raft that I sailed out of that world. As soon as I was able to believe that in three more minutes I would be normal again and everything began to fade. I felt in control of my body and my life. Slowly I drifted out of the their world, back through the gauzy world of colors and patterns. With a little extra coaxing from my friends I was able to wake up and separate my self from that moment. 

I still vibrate from the experience. 

I am very grateful to have been with my friends. 

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