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How To Get Over Your Procrastination

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Humans like to think we’re a clever lot. Yet those magnificent, mighty brains that allow us to split the atom and touch the moon are the same stupid brains that can’t start an assignment until the day before it’s due.

We evolved from primitive creatures, but we never quite shed ourselves of their legacy. You know the clever, rational part of your brain you think of as your human consciousness? Let’s call him Albert. He lives in your brain alongside an impulsive baby reptile called Rex:

(Rex is your basal ganglia, but that’s not very catchy so I’m sticking with Rex).

Rex evolved millions of years ago – unsurprisingly enough, in the brains of reptiles – and his instincts guide and motivate you to this day. Hunger. Fear. Love. Lust. Rex’s thoughts are primitive and without language.

Here’s the bit you’re not going to like. Rex makes the final call on all your decisions. Every. Single. One.

 

We like to think of Albert as "our true self" – the conscious part of your brain. He’s the talking, reasoning part. When we decide to go to the gym or write that term paper, Albert made that decision.

Rex does listen to Albert. Like a child, he will do a lot of what he’s told, as long as he wants to. But if Rex prefers to crash on the sofa to watch Survivor and eat Cheetos, that’s what you’re going to do.

The incredible ascension of mankind that surrounds us is largely possible because we’ve developed systems to nurture our reptilian brains, to subdue, soothe and subvert them.

Much of this system we call "civilisation". Widely available food and shelter take care of a lot. So does a system of law, and justice. Mandatory education. Entertainment. Monogamy. All of it calms Rex down for long enough for Albert to do something useful – like discover penicillin, or invent Cheetos.


Now let’s look at your procrastination.

You’re making a decision with your conscious mind and wondering why you’re not carrying it out. The truth is the real decision maker – Rex – is not nearly so mature.

Imagine you had to constantly convince a young child to do what you wanted. For simple actions, asserting your authority might be enough. "It’s time for dinner". But if that child doesn’t want to do something, it won’t listen. You need to cajole it:

  • Forget logic. Once you’ve decided to do something, logic and rationale won’t help you. Your inner reptile can be placated, scared and excited. But it doesn’t speak with language and cannot be reasoned with.

  • Comfort matters. If you’re hungry, tired or depressed your baby reptile will rebel. Fail to take care of yourself, and he’ll wail and scream and refuse to do a damn thing you say. That’s what he’s for. Eat, sleep and make time for fun.

  • Nurture discipline. Build a routine of positive and negative reinforcement. If you want a child to eat their vegetables, don’t give them dessert first. Reward yourself for successes, and set up assured punishments for your failure. Classic examples include committing to a public goal, or working in a team – social pressure can influence Rex.

  • Incite emotion. Your reptile brain responds to emotion. That is its language. So get yourself pumped, or terrified. Motivational talks, movies and articles can work, for a while. I use dramatic music (one of my favourite playlists is called Music to conquer worlds by[4] ). Picture the bliss associated with getting something done, or the horrors of failing. Make your imagination vivid enough that it shakes you. We use similar tricks on children for a reason: "brush your teeth or they’ll fall out".

  • Force a start. The most important thing you can do is start. Much of Rex’s instincts are to avoid change, and once you begin something those instincts start to tip into your favour. With enough time, you can even convince Rex to love doing the things he hated. There’s a reason we force kids to go to school or to try piano lessons.

  • Bias your environment. Rex is short sighted and not terribly bright. If he sees a Facebook icon, he’ll want it. It’s like showing a child the start of a cool TV program immediately before bedtime. Design your environment to be free from such distractions: sign out of instant messenger, turn off notifications, turn off email. Have separate places for work and fun, and ideally separate computers (or at least accounts).

Once you know what to look for, you’ll start to recognise the patterns and control them.

There’s an impulsive baby reptile in your brain, and unfortunately he has the steering wheel. If you can be a good parent to him he’ll mostly do what you say, and serve you well. Just remember who’s in charge.

- Oliver Emberton

The post How To Get Over Your Procrastination appeared first on Caveman Circus.


The Dumping Grounds

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Brought a tear to my eye (How to throw a Bachelor Party) Epic Friends!

HOW TO THROW A BACHELOR PARTY. from gnarly bay productions, Inc. on Vimeo.

Every single book reader’s reaction to Red Wedding


Strangely Mesmerizing: Toronto man directs traffic after the lights go out at a large intersection until the police show


Simply Beautiful, my heart melts everytime

All Of Nickelback’s Greatest Hits Played At Once

A duck crying for ducklings and cops helps them out

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Awesome Links Of The Day

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game of thrones

Game of Thrones Characters in 90′s clothing – Unreality Mag

Test Your Power Of Deduction: Man Or Woman? – Ned Hardy

Is He The Fattest Football Player Ever? – Knowd

How to Deal With Jerks While Talking to Women – The Dating Specialist

Fridays give me Bad Ideas for the Weekend (53 HQ Photos) – The Brigade

Emily Ratakowski Amazing Twitter Pic of the Day – Drunken Stepfather

Britney Spears Before And After Photoshop – Celeb Jihad

5 Conspiracy Theories That Are Shockingly Easy to Debunk – Linkiest

Fluffy Bikini Babe And Her Friend – Double Viking

The Miss USA contestants had a pool party – Celeb Slam

What About Them Redheads? – Bro My God

Kate Upton’s 30 Boobiest Pictures from the Set of ‘The Other Woman’ – The Smoking Jacket

Jennylyn Mercado – FHM photos are hot – G-Celeb

I Never Thought I’d Say This: A Bunch of Badass Nightlights – Unreality Mag

12 Disgusting Things Found in Food – Uncoached

15 Squishy Hand Bras You Want To Get Your Paws On – Regretful Morning

25 Funny Star Wars Cosplay On A Tight Budget Pictures – Super Booyah

Alessandra Ambrosio Works Her Style In Brentwood – Moe Jackson

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The Dumping Grounds

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Bitchy Resting Face

Ex F1 Driver Riccardo Patrese Drives His Wife Around A Track, Her Reaction Is Priceless! (Low Volume)

PS4 game “The Division” gameplay

Bruce Lee screen test… Damn this guy was fast

The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug – Official Trailer

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Awesome Links Of The Day

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hayden panettiere

Do not speak of Hayden Panettiere’s cellulite – Celeb Slam

Celebrities Before And After Photoshop – Ned Hardy

Check Out These Blue-Eyed Bombshells – Knowd

Photos From the Set of Birdman – Crowd Ignite

A damn fine collection of hot babes – The Brigade

Urban Outfitters Perverted Summer Camp Campaign of the Day – Drunken Stepfather

8 Things Your Tattoo (And Where It Is) Says About You – Linkiest

Taylor Swift booty flash video – Celeb Jihad

This girl is super duper cute – Double Viking

Natasha Wicks Former UFC Ring Girl is hawt! – Bro My God

Selena Gomez Wore Skinny Jeans at Kabuki in Hollywood – G-Celeb

Robots Are Taking Over The Work Force In Japan – Regretful Morning

AT-AT Liquor Cabinet Will Make You the Don Draper of Nerds – Unreality Mag

Adult Film Star Takes Revenge on Catholic High School – Uncoached

Monika Pietrasinska Cannot Be Improved by Science – The Smoking Jacket

25 Pictures Of Gorgeous Babes Relaxing On The Sofa – Super Booyah

Brenda Song and Trace Cyrus Rekindled Their Creepy Relationship – Moe Jackson

27 Things We Learned From E.T. – Modern Man

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And THIS Folks Is Why I Will Be Purchasing A PS4…

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Let me reiterate my rhetoric from yesterday, FU*K Microsoft! I would like to also share the opinion of one eloquent Youtuber named Saint Seiya who stated,

The only way I would buy an xbox one is if Microsoft caved on public pressure and issued an apology, and Bill Gates personally sucked my di*k. Not in a gay way, but like a demonstration of submission. Like they do in prison

The post And THIS Folks Is Why I Will Be Purchasing A PS4… appeared first on Caveman Circus.

A Few Awesome GIFs To Start The Morning In The Right Direction

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How do grown men react to thunder?

awesome gifs

 

Just a quick little kiss, please

awesome gifs

 

Is that all you’ve got?

awesome gifs

 

Cat sends urgent fax 

awesome gifs

 

Manual windshield wipers 

awesome gifs

 

Deadpool is a terrible person

awesome gifs

 

Dat Handwriting

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Wait for it… Wait for it…!

awesome gifs

 

Eating Noodles Like A Boss

awesome gifs\

 

Truck driver rescues kitten

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Nope.

awesome gifs

 

How Tiger Wood’s swing has changed since he was three.

awesome gifs

 

When I was eight, my dad let me shoot his .357

awesome gifs

 

Physics engines in video games are technological wonders 

awesome gifs

 

The most embrassing moment in this mans life 

awesome gifs

The post A Few Awesome GIFs To Start The Morning In The Right Direction appeared first on Caveman Circus.

20 Great Moments In Standup Comedy Awesomeness


Man’s Second Best Friend: Yoga Pants!

Welcome To The Internet, I’ll Be Your Tour Guide

This Is Why You Should Say Hi

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You have to take a risk. You have to face rejection. You will literally gain NOTHING by keeping your mouth shut and living in a world full of ‘what-ifs’. Imagine the possibilites, the adventures to be had, and the memories to be made….

The post This Is Why You Should Say Hi appeared first on Caveman Circus.

The Dumping Grounds

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Sports KO Of The Week: Chad Dawson Gets Knocked Out By Adonis Stevenson

Brendan Schaub acting like a bit*h at Metamoris against Cyborg Abreu

Howard Stern Show — Ozzy Osbourne And Geezer Butler Interview

It’s Aladdin! The shorter, more straightforward version!

Brian Williams Raps Snoop Dogg

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Awesome Links Of The Day

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brokeback mountain 2

Simple changes that would have saved movies – Bro My God

The Art Of The Photobomb (25 Pics) – Ned Hardy

Every Fast Food Secret Menu Item – Knowd

The 25 Sexiest First Kisses on TV – Crowd Ignite

Los Angeles Police/SWAT have been busy this week (52 Photos) – The Brigade

5 Huge Mistakes Nobody Noticed for a Shockingly Long Time – Linkiest

Rihanna’s Instagram Erotica of the Day – Drunken Stepfather

Katy Perry is seductive – Celeb Jihad

Beautiful babe in red – Double Viking

Rosie Huntington Whiteley Wore a Bikini in France – G-Celeb

She’s Uncoachable: Jessica Nigri Looks Quite Nice – Uncoached

Meet Smash Bros’ Terrifying New Challenger: The Villager – Unreality Mag

15 Fit Girls Who Could Probably kick your butt – Regretful Morning

Anri Sugihara May Cause Severe Smileyface #wednesdaywasabi – The Smoking Jacket

Nikki Leigh Doing A Sexy Bikini Photoshoot In Beverly Hills – Moe Jackson

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Let Me Introduce You To The Awesomeness That Is ‘The Villager’

Claudia Sampedro Is A Badass Chick!


How To Make A Proper Hamburger

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Buns, hun.

If you don’t have a good bakery in your area – i.e. bakes fresh every day, can tell you details about ingredients and procedures, acts like they give half a shit – make your own. It’s pretty easy, and you can freeze leftover batches for later use. Just take a brioche recipe (my favorite bread), shape it into balls and proof as desired. I like mine *just* pillowy, with a bit of structure still but not too dense – the recipe I use is a high yeast dough (almost half percent total yield) and I proof my 84g buns for about an hour. I like a double egg wash and sesame, but do whatchya like ya bitch.

Meat.

Meat.

Listen, you can make your dry-aged short rib or wagyu burgers, but it probably will have a hard time competing with Five Guys (seriously, fuck those guys, I’ve lost sleep thinking about how good their bacon burger is). The number one cause of shitty-ass shitburgers? You bought grocery store ground beef; you will get nowhere with that. Grind the best quality chuck roast you can find, and you’re set. Actually, you don’t even need a grinder (even though they’re cheap); you can chop/mince cold beef and get arguably better texture. It just takes longer. I like a mix of about 60 percent chuck and 40 percent brisket. I have a guy who only works with prime, so thats what I’m using. Just leave my expensive sirloin alone. Ya bitch.

Prep

Prep

Always grind cold, which means your grinder has been in the freezer overnight already by now. Cut up the meat into 1-inch cubes. Freeze it for thirty minutes. Oh and season your meat AFTER you grind it. Do you WANT dull blades? Jesus.

Grind it!

Grind it!

Do it fast thatswhatshesaid so the grinder doesn’t heat up enough (KitchenAid attachment manual says speed 4; I do 6). Helps to put grind into bowl over ice bath to keep it cold. Measure out 6 to 6 1/2 oz patties, or, if it’s the weekend and you hate yourself, bigger. Just don’t smash them too much.

MEANHWHILE

MEANHWHILE

I mean, you might as well make bacon. And you might as well use your homemade bacon. Oh. You don’t make your own bacon? Aren’t you adorable.

Bakon mega-ultra cooking secret

Bakon mega-ultra cooking secret

Like, half the world knows this… right? Cook your bacon in water first. Just cover, and bring to a boil on high.

Water. Yes, water.

Water. Yes, water.

Listen, I know it’s crazy, but Ruhlman agrees with me so you’re all pretty much wrong.

Ok so I have boiled bacon now what asshole?

Ok so I have boiled bacon now what asshole?

Well once your stupid water boils off and evaporates – careful, science term there – turn the heat down and finish normally. See, all that smokey, bacony flavor didn’t go anywhere little Timmy… It’s still in the pan. And now you can fry your bacon in it while your mom is banging your friend’s dad Brutus in the next trailer over, because your meth head father doesn’t love her anymore because her bacon sucks so bad.

And then.

And then.

It will brown up normally. I know you don’t believe me, but I don’t care. Shut up.

Ok so you’ve got Bread and bacon.

Ok so you've got Bread and bacon.

Season the patties excessively. Heart-disease level seasoning.

SEAR

SEAR

HOT PAN YOU DONKAY. I usually brush on melted butter, but I had the bacon fat in there, so why not. Just heat it to smoking.

FLIP

FLIP

It will cook faster than you think. Press-test it. When it just starts to give resistance, it’s medium-rare.

Tonight’s toppings: local Boston lettuce, beefsteak tomato and a random vidalia. It really doesn’t matter, just get the freshest things you can.

Meanwhile

Meanwhile

While the burgers rest, toast the buns. Using the same pan doesn’t hurt.

ASSEMBLE

ASSEMBLE

My wife likes ketchup. Ketchup is disgusting. I like mayo; it don’t have to be homemade, but I happened to have some, so naturally I needed to garlic-herb it up. Be generous.

DONE

DONE

The bacon burger got ate, so this is the wifey’s, who opted for the herb mayo once she tasted it. They disappear pretty quickly around here.

 

(via)

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Video Gamers Assemble! This Post Is For You!!!

Dude Ask His Dad To Name All The Game Of Thrones Characters, Hilarity Ensues

The Dumping Grounds

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Producers House – Flux Pavilion

Sir David Attenborough greets a group of cannibals in the most British way possible

This is where all your ink is going

The two worst Jedi Knights in the history of Star Wars

Henry Rollins – US military recruitment

Montage: David Letterman asking every band’s drummer who visits the show if their drums are rentals

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Awesome Links Of The Day

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taylor swift

Taylor Swift looking damn hot at some event – Drunken Stepather

Girls With Stubbed Toes Making Faces – Ned Hardy

Kate Upton In GIF Form Is Even Better – Knowd

33 Redneck Life Hacks – Crowd Ignite

This outdoorsy girl is hawt – The Brigade

Kanye West Accused Of Cheating On Kim Kardashian – Celeb Jihad

5 Beloved Celebrities Who Were Nothing Like You Think – Linkiest

This girl offers a nice view of her cleavage – Double Viking

All the Miss USA contestants in bikinis – Celeb Slam

Hot girls showing off their tanlines – Bro My God

What Clothing Did Emma Watson Buy in NYC? – G-Celeb

Cosplay of the Day: Hell on Wheels – Unreality Mag

Father’s Day Tribute: 21 Awkward Photos – Uncoached

15 Examples of ‘Dat Thong’ Bound To Brighten Your Day – Regretful Morning

25 Pictures Of Sexy Backyard Beauties – Super Booyah

Girl on Girl: Jessica Vaugn Talks to the Very Leggy Leanne D – The Smoking Jacket

Top 10 Best Dressed at Myspace Re-launch Party in L.A. – Moe Jackson

Prison Yelp Reviews Written By Prisoners – Modern Man

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